The First Step in Creating a High Performance Team

A question I get asked a lot from leaders: Charlotte, how  am more productive? How do I get them more committed to the business and my vision? How do I level up my success?

Now without knowing the ins and outs of the business, the history, the culture and what’s currently going on, it’s difficult to give a blank statement answer to that question. There are so many different layers that need to integrate to get a team to operate at that level. But the common thread is this: it starts at the top. It starts with the leader.
 

To listen to my latest podcast episode on this topic, head over to the Change by Choice Show on itunes, Spotify or Podcast Addict and search for Episode 43: The First Step in Creating a High Performance Team.


So, what is the first step in creating a high performance team?

As always, the first step is the big R - Reflection. Before I get into this more and what exactly you should be reflecting on, you first need to ask yourself how important this is to you. And if you feel it’s important, is it important ENOUGH that you’re willing to completely put your ego aside? Are you of the current mindset that it’s “all them, it’s not me”? Are you really willing to take a step back right now and ask yourself some really tough questions? Because until you’re fully ready to do that - until you’re ready to ask yourself those questions that quite frankly, you’ve been avoiding because you really don’t want to hear the answers to - this conversation will fall on deaf ears.


But if you’re all in, then let’s go there. Because as soon as you open yourself up to reflect, to ask those hard questions and shift your thought process and your mindset, you allow room for movement, growth, learning and the changes that need to happen.


I want you to sit down with paper and pen and start to really think and reflect on your leadership and your team. How do you view your team? What comes up for you that really is an obstacle that you face in leading your team? Shift your perspective; if I were speaking to your team right now, what would they say about you and your leadership style? Does it match what you want to be putting out there? Is it aligned with your morals and your values?
What’s it like for your team? If you were on that team, what would you be saying? How would you be feeling? Would you feel cared for, respected and valued? Or would you feel like a number, someone who’s voice is not heard and who is easily replaceable?
 

Really reflect and see where there might be gaps or areas of opportunity for yourself. And recognize that it’s okay if there are. We always have these great intentions of how we want to show up as leaders, and life gets in the way. We get busy and reactive and sucked into operating on autopilot. And then we’re not truly our best selves. It takes a lot of intentionality to show up as the leader that you really want to be, especially in the difficult times.


The next step in this, after you’ve really done some reflection in terms of where you’re at, is to focus on creating a safe, happy, people-focused work environment. Your people are your greatest assets. Period. If you don’t view them that way, that’s where your problem lies. The biggest way to start cultivating this environment is by fostering an open and honest communicative relationship with your team. A relationship where each member feels comfortable to be open with you, to have honest conversations or healthy debate, to be able to share their ideas and not be fearful that they’re going to get in trouble or have their ideas pushed aside without being heard.


Analyze what kind of culture you’ve either accidentally or purposefully created; is that the culture you want? Is it one where your team feels valued, heard and committed to the overall growth and vision of the company? Or is it one with high turnover? With gossip, backstabbing and hoarding of ideas? Those are huge red flags within a business; and if those are coming up, then it’s because of a lack of leadership. It’s not on them; it’s on the leader.


Something needs to shift there. Maybe it’s your own belief system and values around the importance of your people within your team. Maybe you need to invest more up front in terms of their development, feeling supported and set up for long term success. Maybe you need more systems in place for people to share their ideas, offer and receive feedback and contribute in meaningful ways. Again, it’s so crucial that you don’t take this personally. You need to step back and look at things objectively if you really want your business to thrive and grow and improve.

Because when your people are happy, it’s not just about the money. When they feel like their voice is valued and that they are contributing to the bigger picture, they gain a greater commitment to the vision and growth of the business. And when you get that from your people, they do great work because they have an emotional connection to it.

When I worked for Lululemon, I was recruited quite often by other companies and often offered a lot more money to jump ship and go work for someone else. Of course it felt good, but what felt even better was that I didn’t even have a moment of consideration of leaving the company I was working for because I had so much pride and joy and loyalty to where I was at. And that didn’t just come by accident; it’s because I was in a work environment that gave me what I needed to feel good; to feel like I was valued, I was contributing and I was part of something bigger than just “go to work and go home”. If I called your team members right now and I offered them a position somewhere else and offered them more money than they are making now, would they hesitate or would they be “Hallelujah, I can’t wait to leave this place”?

At this point in the conversation, maybe you’ve reflected and you realized that you do have a high functioning team and you feel really good about the culture you’ve created and the systems you have in place. That’s amazing; but never take it for granted. Just because things are good now doesn’t mean they’re always going to stay good. That’s why this discussion is so important; because wherever you are at, there’s always room for improvement. And there’s always the opportunity to proactively look at where you are headed and how you can keep your team engaged, happy and moving with you towards a bigger vision.

What got you here won’t get you there. We need to constantly be growing and evolving with our team. I hope you’re going to leave this discussion with more questions to ask yourself with where you’re at right now and where your team is at. What pieces of this did you really connect to?  Send me an email; what are some of the issues that are coming up for you in terms of leadership and development?

Take the time to sit back and reflect. Your business will thank you for it, but more so, your people will thank you for it.

Stop Being Trapped by Bitterness

I think it’s safe to say that no one wakes up wanting to feel bitter, resentful and angry. We want to feel great, we want to be happy, and positive, and have those great, fulfilling days.

But yet somehow, we continue to get sucked into those negative thoughts. Because those negative thoughts are extremely powerful emotions. Once you start to fall into it, it consumes you.

The power of those emotions really changes how you see things, how you act and what you believe. It’s like a dark hole that you get sucked into. Think of it this way: you wake up in the morning and something happens right away that causes you to feel angry, upset, resentful or bitter. How do you then view the rest of what happens during your day? When you already feel those negative emotions, your brain starts to connect to every other fact, situation or thing that will validate the fact that somehow you got victimized, that something was done against you. Your brain is no longer looking for the good at that point; it’s positioned to look for the negative because that’s what it’s being trained to do.
 

And the worst part is that once you’re in it, it’s really hard to get yourself out. It almost takes on a life of it’s own; we start operating from a place that is beyond ourselves and it really takes over if we allow it. Head over to the Change by Choice Show to listen to Episode 42 where I dive into this topic. 

So - how do we get out of this bitterness and anger trap? And how can we strengthen our mindset to prevent us from falling into it time and time again?

First, let’s focus in on this: at the end of the day, if you’re the one feeling those feelings, you need to acknowledge the power of choice and the power of responsibility. We don’t always choose the situations that happen to us, but we choose how we react and we choose what we do next.

Here’s a couple ways to get yourself out that bitterness trap and how to avoid falling back there.  

1. Slow the process down. Our first instinct when we start to feel those negative emotions is to act on them. Slow it down and just listen to what is coming up for you. Pause and reflect; why is this emotion coming up for me right now? Why am I thinking like this? Why am I behaving in this way? Find the root of it and allow yourself to sit with it before you make any decision.
    

2. Once you've had some time to think, ask yourself: Am I willing to accept the situation and allow myself to move forward? Or is there a solution that has to be made? Regardless the answer to that question...for you to just stay in that zone of anger is choosing to be caged up in a prison. And you’re the only one who’s affected by that; it’s not torturing the other person involved. You’re the one who’s living in misery and darkness by refusing to let go of those emotions. On the same token, you’re the one who has to make the change. No one is going to make it for you and no one is going to fix things for you. Think hard about how long you are willing to stay in situations and hold on to those negative emotions; because the longer you linger there, the more it layers on top of itself. Before you know it, what you started off with, which was probably small, is now this huge weight of emotion that starts to really chip away at the person you used to be.
    

3. Find gratitude, space and a positive mindset. Life is messy and shit happens. You may not like all the situations that are thrown at you, but that’s how life is. It’s how you choose to move through it that makes the difference. Strengthen your mindset to be more positive. Be mindful and grateful for the great things that have happened. Remind yourself on a daily basis that you are in control; you get to choose how long you linger in those emotions and how you choose to deal with the situations that are handed to you. It starts by being super logical with yourself. In those negative situations, ask yourself what you need to do here to solve the problem and move forward. Maybe it’s having a clear conversation with someone, maybe it’s putting yourself out there with vulnerability, or maybe it’s making a tough decision. Or maybe it’s as simple as finding gratitude for all the good in your life and choosing to simply go of the negative. At the end of the day you’re the one stuck with those feelings, so something needs to happen. But this takes practice; our brain doesn’t just automatically operate this way. We need to strengthen it and position it and tell it to do that.

The worst thing you can do is avoid. The more you avoid, the more you tell your body and your mind that you don’t want to take care of them. I get it; sometimes we do want to avoid those feelings of anger, bitterness, resentment, guilt, shame, extreme sadness. You don’t want to deal with them, so you avoid them. But the problem is that your body carries that weight and that stress with you. Maybe you keep yourself so busy that you’re distracted all day, but those feelings always creep back in moments of quiet or lying in bed at night. Because they’re still there; avoidance doesn’t solve anything. It might feel good, short term, but in the long term it’s damaging you. Are you willing to keep gambling on your health, body, mind and spirit because you don’t want to deal with it?

Think about what you’re working towards in your life: financial freedom, happiness, peace, calmness, fulfillment? Whatever you’re working towards, every single decision you make needs to line up with that result in mind. Otherwise, you’re going to miss the mark every single time, and you’ll wonder why you still live in chaos, never achieving your goals. And you’ll wonder why these negative situations and interactions keep happening to you. You’ll wonder why other people seem so happy all the time, and “damn they must be really lucky and have a great life.”


Not even close.

It’s you. You are the common thread. It’s not the situations, it’s you.

I don’t say that to make you feel bad; but for you to realize that you can and should be accountable for the words that you say and the thoughts that you have. You are in control.

You are accountable for what is going on in your life. There’s so much power there. You are in control over your choices all the time.

At what point do you realize that you're worth more than living caged by bitterness, anger and resentment? You have to believe that. Because what you allow is what will continue, and what you resist is what will persist.

Aren't Those Happy People So Annoying?

As you might know, I’m a single mom to two kids. When their father and I made that choice to go our own ways in terms of the relationship, I had a choice. I could have easily fallen into a bitterness trap, focused on nothing but the negatives, complained and been really unhappy for the path that my life had taken. Or I could view the situation as what it was - an opportunity for growth and an opportunity to really show up for my kids as my best self. I’m not saying the entire situation was sunshine and rainbows; of course it was tough. But I know that happiness is a choice, and I own that in my life. I accept that when shitty things happen, it’s for a reason; because it’s through those experiences that you grow and learn the most. And most importantly, I role modelled for my children the best way to handle a negative situation and that happiness really is your choice.

There’s this misconception that happy people are just happy that’s it; that their lives must be perfect and nothing bad ever happens and they are just so lucky. It could not be farther from the truth. Happiness doesn’t just happen; and I agree in that your circumstances can play a big role, but ultimately it comes down to choice. Because some people have all the money and all the success in the world...and they’re miserable. Head over to the Change by Choice Show to listen to Episode 41: aren’t happy people so annoying? 

We get to choose how we want to show up for ourselves, for other people, in conversations, on social media. I’m always going to be real, be vulnerable and be honest with my opinions. But in doing so, what I’m not going to do is sprinkle my garbage for everyone else to deal with and then leave it there.

So, no, happy people aren’t annoying.

But you know what’s is annoying?

The people who fail to take ownership over the energy that they give out to the world. The people who enter situations and interactions and conversations with negative energy, with gossip, with talking badly about other people, with complaining and anger. That’s the energy that they put out into the world?


We are all entitled to feel the way we feel...and to act the way we want to act. But in my opinion, that’s complete bullshit.

The world needs us to start taking accountability for that energy; to be more responsible with how we want to show up for other people.

 

I’m not saying bad things don’t ever happen.
I’m not saying you can’t feel angry or speak your mind if you need to complain about something.

We all have an accountability and a duty to own our energy and our space and what we are throwing out there for the world. It’s something that I want you to reflect on and think about. What kind of energy are you giving off? When you have a bad day or something bad happens, are you projecting that onto everyone around you? Are you taking it out on your spouse? On your children? Do you find yourself getting angry at someone who really didn’t deserve it, because of something else that you were trying to process and deal with?


This isn’t about making anyone feel guilty or badly. Just because you’ve been a certain way doesn't mean that you can’t change. All it takes is to have that ah-ha moment, that realization of what is really going on. Then add in some action and you can start that change process.

What I’m saying is this: happiness...true, authentic happiness, is not a result of our circumstances. It’s a choice that we make every single damn day.

The other piece to this happiness puzzle is shifting how you view those negative situations that happen in your life. When people aren’t happy, they don’t have gratitude for anything. I can go through the worst situation, and I’m able to take a step back and look for the lessons that I need to learn from it. What do I need to take away from this situation that will help me moving forward? What did I need to experience? What can I move forward with that I didn’t have before? Yes, it hurts at the time. It’s definitely not easy. But shit happens; that’s life. The key is finding those pieces to the puzzle that you didn’t have before.

And to really hone in on that ability, we need to strengthen our coping skills when bad things do happen. We have to develop a different relationship with the things that feel bad. We need to stop pushing those feelings away when we feel vulnerable, uncomfortable or when our feelings are hurt. That’s the time that you need to embrace it a little bit closer; hold on to it and sit with it. Nothing bad is going to happen; and it’s in those moments where you really embrace what you are feeling, that you’re able to find clarity in terms of the lessons that are being given to you. That clarity will help you decide what you want in your life.

The process does not always feel good. Growth and personal development is a roller coaster ride. That’s why so many people are just attracted to staying comfortable and complacent. It’s safe and our mind wants us to be safe. Our mind is always looking to protect us from things that might hurt us and cause us any pain, so it holds us back in fear. But the thing is, it’s not real. We build up all these walls to protect ourselves from what? Never ever growing or becoming better in our lives? It’s crazy.

It takes a shift in perspective; looking in on yourself to realize that what your mind is telling you right now is not the truth. Sometimes it’s just about having that different perspective; what would I have to do to be my highest, best version of myself? What changes to my language, my behavior, my mindset do I have to make so that I am truly living from that place? The place where you’re not saying damaging words to yourself or others, where you’re not being judgemental or mean, you’re not putting other people down, you’re not feeling jealous or entitled or bitter.

When you start to head down that negative path, pause and ask yourself some questions and dig in a little bit deeper. Why am I thinking that way? Why am I going there? What past situations are triggering me to now respond in the way that I am? We all screw up and do things and say things that aren’t our best; we let the past and our situations get the best of us. We play small instead of playing big in life. Playing big in life is being vulnerable, taking responsibility, apologizing, saying what we mean and being authentic and true to ourselves. It’s a journey. It's not something that just comes overnight and the process is usually a bumpy ride...two steps forward, one step back. But that’s okay; because forward is forward.

Embrace the journey, trust the journey. Because what do you have to lose? When you have so much to gain.

So when you see happy people out there, remember that it’s hard work and it’s a choice.  It doesn’t mean that they aren’t ever sad or angry or that bad things never happen to them. But they make a choice, when things aren’t going well, how they are going to show up, how they are going to move through it and how long they are going to stay in it. They don’t become prisoners to it. It all comes down your perspective, your mindset and your choices.

Charly Caldwell: Mastering Your Life and Business with the 5 P's

I am so passionate about doing interviews because I love sharing people’s stories. Every story truly matters. I love sharing the journey that a person goes through to reach their version and their level of success. Because so often, we see someone who is successful and think they must have gotten really lucky, or something magical must have happened. But I love to show the grit; to gain an understanding of all that it took, the hard work and perseverance that it took to get there. It’s so important to get an inside look at what someone’s journey has been like, especially the people we look up to. Because they didn’t just wake up one morning with tremendous success in their lives.
 

I had the honor of sitting down and chatting with Charly Caldwell last week. I have such admiration and respect for Charly; he’s also High Performance coach with over 3000 coaching sessions under his belt. I look up to him and really feel that the work he is doing is so impactful.

Charly has an exceptional story; he describes his life as being “out of order”.  He became an entrepreneur, sort of by accident, in his early 20’s. He put himself through “business bootcamp” while he was in college; he built his business out very quickly but also burned himself out very quickly. He was working long hours, trading hours for money. In 1994, Charly had an epiphany: Recurring Income = Freedom. Charly went to work and the next year, he built out an internet services business that was based on subscription revenue. He created the business with wife at the time, grew the business, sold it and retired at the age of 29. He and his wife hit the road in a motorhome for the next 18 months, and then started their family in 2002.


Sounds amazing, right? But it wasn’t just smooth sailing from that point on. “I felt like I won the lottery. But I was also really destroyed in lot of ways.” He had let himself go, and was up to 270lbs, not taking care of himself or his health. He had let his relationship with his wife go. He had to rediscover who he was because he had been controlled and buried in his work for so long.


This is such an important lesson and one that I’ve spoken on in the past; how can you balance having tremendous success in your life, but while ALSO maintaining your health, happiness, relationships and fulfillment? The truth is that you actually CAN do both; it requires a strong mindset and allowing yourself enough space in a day for peace and reflection.

Into the retired life, Charly started to get really depressed; he started to lose his sensation of living purposefully. We may not relate in the sense that I’m betting most of us didn’t also retire at the age of 29, but here’s where we can relate wholeheartedly: Did I do enough? Have I done all the work in the world I’m supposed to do? How can I live into my passion and my purpose? Am I living into my best?

That was a pinnacle shift for Charly as he realized that he had never thought about the future vision of himself. He didn’t have an ambition there and had no definition of what that looked like. With that, he started to make some changes in his life. Within 6 months, he lost the weight and has kept it off. He got back into business, combining his love of technology and working with people.

For the last 18 years, Charly has had a career of helping individuals, entrepreneurs, small businesses and organizations create their own ‘FREEDOM’ by living purposefully, passionately, positively, productively and profitably through his teaching, online training and coaching business called the Life and Business Success Group, Inc. He is a published co-author of two best selling books:  “I’m Having It” and “Having Ease with Money”. He is an international professional speaker and the Youtube and podcast creator of “Health, Wealth and Happiness” and “Business and Internet Mastery.”

The other major turning point in Charly’s life was when he became a dad. He’s the proud father of two girls and everything he does is for his girls; to be the best role model and best version of himself he can be. He and his girls’ mother are divorced, but they remain great friends and have an excellent co-parenting relationship. I love how Charly shows up in that way as such a strong role model for his children. It’s a conversation and a message that really needs to be put out into the world. Future generations matter; and what we do now really matters.

How did Charly get here?


1. Perseverance. Charly really focused in on staying true to his purpose throughout his journey and really living into it, even in the times he didn’t always want to. It’s about persevering and remaining consistent through the times that you want to quit. Part of the coaching that Charly and I do is helping people develop a stronger mindset, so that they too can get to that place; where you’re able to stick through it in the toughest times, to honor the struggle and really push towards your goals. It’s a skill that takes consistency and practice, but most of all, it requires a crystal clear vision of your goals.
 

2. Belief in the ability to figure it out. Charly always believed in his ability to figure things out. If someone invented it, he knew he could figure into out or find someone who could help him figure it out. This is such a critical piece; because things don’t just fall into place easily all the time. I see so many people shut down and give up as soon as that frustration and lack of confidence in their ability and skill sets in. It’s not about having the skill or the knowledge or the ability; it’s about having the ability to figure it out. And we all have that; we just sometimes need more time, more resources and some mentorship to help us.

3. Get clear on the vision. Be very purposeful about what that vision looks like and why it’s important. Then give fuel to that vision to propel it forward. Charly’s fuel is to be the best role model for his girls, his family and the people he is blessed to serve and help. Get crystal clear and define your vision. What do you want your life to be like in 5 years? What do you want to look like? Feel like? What could your life be like? Open a journal and add to it for just 5 minutes a night. The power of words and the power of our thoughts shouldn’t be underestimated. Visualize the future you want and you’ll get there.

I see so many people struggle and give up when things start to get tough because they lack these two key things that Charly possessed: perseverance and the ability to figure it out. The best part is that going through these struggles is where the biggest amount of growth occurs. You just have to push through and honor the struggle to reap those benefits.

Charly’s big focus now is serving and helping people to live into the 5 P’s: Purposefully, Passionately, Positively, Productively and Profitably.

They really are ratings and questions you need to ask yourself. Challenge yourself to ask yourself these questions each day:
How purposeful have I been today? How passionate have I been? How positive have I been? How productive? How profitable have I been? Am I really creating profit in my life/business?


He has created an online, monthly mastery community where he helps people do just that. Helping and serving others is at the core of everything Charly does, and I really admire him for that and strive to do the same in my work. You can find more information about Charly’s work on his website www.charly2.com

I ended the interview by asking Charly what advice he would give to his younger self.


“Don’t take anything personally. People have their own experiences and their own visions of the world; it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. As a reformed people pleaser, I can relate to this so much. Confidence plays a big part in this, as well; when you feel so comfortable in your own skin, you know it’s not about you. It’s about how the other person is thinking and feeling. In learning how not to connect to those things in a personal way, I’m not saying you’ll never have moments that hurt or that you take things personally. The difference is that you’ll bounce back so much more quickly; it won’t derail you for the rest of the day or week.”

 

You can reach out to Charly on Facebook, and check out his website at www.charly2.com

Are You Living Into the Best of You?

It’s been a really big week. I just got back from Anaheim where I was being recertified for High Performance coaching. We honestly have the absolute best community. This was my 4th recertification and hands down, this was the best one yet. I got way more than I ever thought I would gain from this last week; so much learning, so much growth and so many new relationships formed. I’m so fortunate to be part of that community; we are very connected and we all really help one another. That’s really what makes it so incredible. It always comes back to community; it’s so important for everyone to connect somewhere...a place that you’re being challenged to be the best that you can be.

It’s something we all need in life; it’s that constant reminder not to get too comfortable or complacent, but really to push yourself and to see what we’re truly capable of. Because when you push yourself, you start to see all of the ripples that happen into our lives and all of the amazing results that come from it. Relationships become more fulfilled, more genuine, more authentic. Our sense of self becomes more confident and more clear in terms of what we want.

I think back to the last 3 years and I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without this community but also the work that I do in terms of High Performance Coaching. We have the most rigorous training process in the world that is backed by scientific research. I’m so proud to be able to be part of it. I see it through the transformations that my clients have and the results they are getting in their life.

Now is the time. People are charging forward. We can’t just keep being how we’ve been and allow ourselves to get sucked into a place of mediocrity or complacency. It’s so important that we show up as our best selves. The world needs it. Our community needs it. Our families and our children need it. We all need it. Because we really do connect to everyone; how we show up really does matter.

I’ve shared in the past about my words; essentially, what 3 words describe the best of you? It’s something that we practice in High Performance coaching and something that I coach my clients through. Choosing 3 words that describe the best of you; not the you that you are right now, but the version of yourself that is the absolute best. I’ve had my own set of words for years, and as I’ve shifted and evolved, my words have changed. Head here to listen to my Podcast episode where I dive into this: http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

But I made a huge shift when 2018 started with my words. First, I changed my words. I actually have 6 of them; 3 describe my best self and 3 describe how I show up in interactions with people. The other shift I made was in terms of my habits. I started writing my words out every morning, saying them outloud and tapping while I meditate the words. This has been my consistent morning routine and I can’t even describe it; just by doing this shift with the habits and by being super consistent, I am literally living into my words every single day. I am blown away by the magnitude of change that it has created in my life, in my relationships with my children, in how I’m showing up, and in the confidence in which I speak and I share from.


You aren’t just how you are and that’s it. I sound like a broken record, but I’m going to say it again because it’s that important. You get to choose how you want to show up. You get to choose the type of person that you want to be. 


Choose 3 words for yourself that describe the best of YOU. Choose words that are a stretch for you; words that don’t quite describe how you are yet. When you choose words that are a stretch for you, words where maybe you aren’t quite there yet, they remind you to push yourself to become that person in every situation. And over time, you really do start to become that person. You start making choices that maybe the “old you” wouldn’t have made before. It’s these small, simple tools that really help you expand and make different choices. I think back to some of the things that have happened in the last couple months, and the consistency in which I’ve shown up, I’ve kind of blown myself away. All it took was really focusing in on my morning habits and really being mindful of how I want my energy to be, how I want to show up each day and where I want my energy to be. 


Don’t be defined by how you've been in the past or the situations that you’ve gone through or the level of confidence that you have right now. All of that can change just based on you shifting how you see yourself and how you want to see yourself. It really is that simple. You really are in control.


I encourage you to start to think about where are you playing small in your life right now. Is there something that you’re hesitating on that if you were to look back 1 or 2 years down the road, and if you didn’t take that step, would you have regret? There are probably choices that you’re sitting on right now, where you have a hesitation or you have a doubt. You’re holding yourself back from taking that step. Think about it, reflect on it. Journal about where it is that you hesitate. Where do you hold back? Where do you play small? What situations are coming up for you where inside, you’re thinking “yes, I really want that” or “I’d really love to say that”....but then you don’t. And then you leave those situations feeling regret and feelings of “if only I had…”.

Those are the moments that you want to recognize. Be mindful of those moments. Because in those moments - that’s where you need to activate your voice. And that’s why having a word that connects to your boldest, most courageous, best self is so helpful. If you’re the kind of person who often holds back, have that word be the opposite of what you would normally do. If you’re a person who’s sometimes too aggressive or too direct, maybe your word would be compassion, presence.

If you’re allowing life to control you, your actions, your thoughts, your happiness - then you’re NOT living into your best self. When you allow life to ping-pong you, you’re just going back and forth….whatever life throws at you, that’s where you go and that’s how you feel. You’re feeling happy, fulfilled and confident when life throws you good stuff, but as soon as life throws you challenges, you feel unhappy, frustrated, defeated, unsatisfied. 


Why is it that some people can get knocked down, and have terrible things thrown their way...yet they still have this amazing ability to be positive and joyous and view those situations as experiences to learn from? Whereas another person could go through those same situations and for them, they feel as if their life is over and everything is terrible.


It’s because the first person has strengthened that mindset. They’ve done the work and they’ve taken ownership over their life, their happiness and how they want to show up.When you work through that and you build that strong mindset, then you’re able to move yourself out of those bad situations more quickly. You’re more peaceful, more joyous and you’re producing more results in your life.
 

And isn’t that what we all want? To go through experiences without taking things so personally, to be able to move through any situation with fluidity. To be able to show up for people with a beautiful, gracious heart, regardless of where you’re at. To be able to live free from the comparison or perfectionist trap. These are all things that you can start to move out of so that you can actually start to feel the freedom that you can have in life. It always comes back to the work that we do on ourselves.

You can play small and avoid going certain places in your life, or keep yourself too busy, or play a victim role in your life, allowing life to take control over you. Those are all things that might serve you short term. But long term, you’re going to have regrets there if you don’t rise up to meet the potential and that full capacity that you know you can. And if you don’t believe that you’re capable of more, then that’s where you need to start. Because you should know it.

I’m not saying life all of a sudden gets perfect, bad things never happen and everything is blissful all the time. I’m constantly working through stuff all the time; but my bounce back is quick. I can move through those situations quickly, with grace and acceptance and learning. I’m happy. I love the work that I do, I love the people in my life. But it’s not by accident. I’ve designed my life by choice because I recognize that I am in control of the person I am. I am in control of living into my absolute best self day after day.
 

If you have doubt in your life or if you’re just not on the right path, you have to start somewhere. Immerse yourself with personal development. And recognize that it’s a journey. Don’t get stuck in an outcome; trust the process. When you trust the process, it will lead you in the right direction and you will get the results you want. Sometimes, it’s not the results you thought you wanted, but the results you needed. Trust the process. We get handed the moments, the people, the situations and the challenges that we need in life to be able to learn the lessons that we need to learn.

If you’re feeling like this is resonating with you, please reach out. Don’t wait until summer or until next year or until the kids are older. Now is the time. There is no more waiting. Don’t rely on time that may not even be there in the first place. Take a step. Ask for help. Be dedicated and committed. Draw the line in the sand and tell yourself “no more”. Find what your thing is. Find where you can serve purposefully. Find what sets you on fire that makes you feel good. And then you go and charge after that.

You can create your life. You just have to make the choice to start.

To join my free members lounge for more content and all of my free tools and downloads, click here: https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/store/GCgCFewi

Honoring Your Choices...Especially When They Sting Like Hell

Before I became a High Performance Coach, I was getting coached...and I can remember so clearly, the turning point for me.

It came with the lesson on courage. That’s when something clicked in me and I really opened my eyes to realize that I was playing small in certain areas of my life. And it wasn’t about other people; it was about the bar that I had set for myself in terms of what I was settling for, what I was accommodating and what I was willing to tolerate in my life.

No one was forcing me to do that; that was me deciding to do that based on my need of something, based on how I felt about myself and based out of fear. I was playing small and settling for less than I knew deep down I was destined for.
 

And in that moment, the thought that came into my head was “If not now, when am I ever going to make a change in my life?”
 

I knew so deeply that if I didn’t make certain shifts and changes, and raise my bar for myself, that I would look back 10, 20, 30 years down the road with regret.

So in that moment, I started to make some pivotal shifts and changes in my life. And my life has drastically improved in all areas. I was clear on what I could achieve in my life. I was clear that I had something special within me. I was clear that I had the drive, determination and passion to get myself there. But without making those choices in terms of my bar and my self worth, then I would be stuck where I was, rather than growing and levelling myself up.
 

But in saying that, did I have to make some really hard choices? Of course.
Did it feel good? Did I enjoy the ripple that it caused? Did I enjoy the consequences that came as a result of my choices?

Not really….some of those choices stung like hell.

But I always honored myself in the choices I was making. And that’s where courage comes

I want you to think about your life right now.

Because we know when we’re playing small and not living into our best selves.
We know when we are not acting as our boldest self, our most courageous and integral selves.

It comes up when we hesitate before having certain conversations.
Or when we decide to avoid certain situations instead of dealing with them.
When we act out of fear, and we don’t leave that job or that relationship because we don’t want to deal with the consequences of it.
Or when we ignore that little voice inside your head that’s telling you you’re destined for MORE because you’re afraid of the ripple it might cause.

It’s when you think that just because you’ve made a certain choice in your life, you are obliged to stick with that decision for the rest of your life.

Are any of those situations resonating with you?

Sometimes we have to make hard choices. And those choices, and the consequences that often follow, can sting like F*#K. There have been so many situations in my life, even recently, where I’ve had to make some pretty strong choices. And it doesn’t get easier. The process of self-development doesn’t make your life easier; you just get stronger in the process. You become more equipped with the tools you need to bounce back quicker and you don’t let obstacles stop you from progressing in your life. If anything, the more personal development you do, the tougher it gets in certain ways; because you’re so much more aware. You’re not in avoidance anymore, you’re dealing with everything. In the long term, it’s fantastic. Short term? It doesn’t always feel good.

But I’m telling you...it’s so important to find that courage, take that action and most importantly, HONOR those choices that you make in your life.

Head over to my latest Podcast episode 38 and we’ll dig into this some more - why action and courage are so important, how you can honor yourself and your choices and why the this all matters so much in the first place. Listen here.
 

You always have the ability to change your mind. Sometimes we think that just because we’ve made a certain choice, we are all of a sudden stuck. But we fail to acknowledge is that sometimes time gives us new information; we see things from a different perspective after some time has passed. And it’s okay to realize that even though you’ve made a certain choice, you now need to honor yourself and make a different choice. You have permission to change your mind. It’s not about being flaky; it’s about honoring yourself. The worst thing we can do is to move forward with our original choice, even though we’re no longer feeling right about it, because we don’t want to hurt anyone, or look a certain way, or face the consequences.

What I’ve found to be true in these situations is that if you’re changed your mind on something,  make sure that in making that decision you’re also communicating the WHY and the reasoning  behind it. The worst thing we can do is just exit out of a situation without having the honest conversation because we don’t want to have to deal with it.

Sometimes we have to make hard choices. And in those hard choices, it doesn't feel good because there sometimes is that rath, that conflict, that ripple that happens that you have to deal with afterwards. Honor your choice. Because your life is about you. Whether or not the other person understands, how they will react to something and whether or not they will support you in your choices - that’s on THEM. All you can do is speak your truth and honor yourself.


Honor yourself for having had the courage to make a decision that wasn’t easy, where maybe you had to acknowledge that you were no longer aligned with something.

I want you to think about a situation that’s coming up for you right now. Maybe it’s already happened, that you didn't feel right about, or maybe you didn’t stand up for yourself, or you settled in the situation, or maybe you move forward even if it didn’t feel right. Start to think about what you could’ve done differently. How could you have honored yourself differently?

If you were to you challenge yourself to think if you were the highest, most courageous, boldest you, what would that person choose to do in your life? Everyone has to get to a place where their internal dialogue says “enough is enough. This is not happening anymore. This pattern stops here.” That’s the place you need to get to .

We’re talking about your life; it’s not about next week, or next year, or maybe you just don’t feel like it right now. If I told you that you had 30 days to live, what would you do differently tomorrow? If you started to operate from that place, I’m pretty certain there would be some huge shifts and changes in your relationships, in yourself, in your level of priorities, in how you show up in terms of integrity with yourself and other people and in the choices you make in your life.

Start living into the best of you. Not the comfortable you; being comfortable is a trap and it breeds us to be incredibly mediocre in life. Comfortable doesn’t feel bad, but it doesn’t feel great. And when you’re comfortable, you’re never fully challenged so you never really know how good it can get. You don’t know what truly is possible for you until you step out of that comfort zone.

It doesn’t always feel good. Having to make hard choices and be courageous. Taking action and listening to that inner dialogue instead of being driven by fear. Having those difficult conversations. Deciding after some time has passed that you need to make different choice because you’re honoring yourself and where you are at. That’s courage.

That’s my desire for everyone. It really truly is. Because the more people that we have happier in life, the more peaceful, more engaged, more successful we are as a whole? Our communities are going to shine brighter. Our kids are going to be stronger. We’re going to be more fulfilled. We’re going to stop searching for those bandaid solutions and the quick fixes, when really we’re never truly happy with the results they give us.  

Something has to switch. And only you’ll know what that is for you and whether or not there’s something there for you. All is ask to write it down and start to explore it. Explore it with curiosity, with a playful nature, with love and compassion for yourself.

Control - Why Do We Have it all Backwards?

I want to talk about control. I love this topic. Because we really have it back ass backwards when it comes to control.


I’ve dealt with control as a defense mechanism in my own life. As something that comes out of reaction instead of using it as a proactive tool. I want to talk about how to own control because control can be such a beautiful tool in the toolbox but you need to know how to use it in a healthy way.

Are you the kind of person that falls into a trap of control? Where you feel like you need to control everything? Where you’re really tightly wound up and when things don’t go according to plan, your life becomes very disordered? When you lose that control, it changes your mood and your behaviours? Do you feel those physical symptoms come up when you feel out of control?


This is not the good type of control. This is unhealthy control; you may not think it is, but it is affecting your physical health. It’s a vicious cycle; when we feel out of control, then we all of a sudden want to control everything. And in that space, you actually lose even more control because you’re not in control. It’s this convoluted vicious cycle that we get into. And the result is physical symptoms on the body: we get more stressed, cortisol rises, and how we treat our bodies changes because of the stress. Stress breaks down your brain and your body function.

You need to slow things down and start journaling; recognize what comes up for you if you're always feeling anxious, needing to control everything and feeling like everything needs to be perfect. Because it’s not working for you. And it’s not working for your body. You can operate in that for awhile and think it’s working, but for your long term physical and mental health, it’s not working for you.

So when you decide that want to change, you want to live your life a little less chaotic and you want to produce different results in your life, you need to slow the process down. Figuring out what your triggers are in terms of control is step one.

You need to start catching yourself before you get into that place so that you can coach yourself in a different direction. But it’s a lot harder than I’m making it sound. And at the beginning when you start doing this, you’ll probably catch yourself once you’re in it, or after it’s already happened. It’s not an easy thing to do; it takes a lot of conscious reflection, a lot of journaling, and a lot of understanding what triggers you and what your insecurities are. You have to get really real and really honest with yourself.


Ask yourself: “is this behavior serving me?” Do you feel satisfied? Fulfilled? Is there something really great that comes to you when you’re in that mode? Is this how you want to show up with the people around you? How is it making your partner feel? Your children?

So here’s the thing. When you think about it, here we are struggling to keep everything in control and we’re in this vicious cycle full of stress, when really, we are in total, 100% control of everything.

You’re in control of every moment of your life. But I’m talking about healthy control. You may not always control the situations that come towards you, but you get to control how you show up in them. You get to control how you see things, how you see other people, how you show up in terms of your actions and your thoughts with other people. Have control in a healthy way - control your thoughts, your emotions and how you are responding to the situations and events around you. It’s not about other people. It’s you. You own you.

Healthy control is amazing and incorporating more healthy control into your life is incredible. It's where you start to master your thoughts and emotions and actions. Where you can, instead of reacting, you’re able to keep yourself at a distance and look at things more objectively. You’re able to take a step back and reflect on how you want to show up. How you want to respond in a situation.  

It’s never going to be perfect; we all have moments where we crack and start to go into that reactive, controlling zone. But with practice, instead of letting ourselves go there completely, we can catch ourselves. I catch myself at times and ask myself “what is going on here? Why am I thinking like this? What is going on within ME that I’m not feeling my best, I’m not thinking my best thoughts and I’m not acting in a way that is aligned with my best self?”


The ability to catch yourself and coach yourself in those moments is like a muscle that you need to build and train; it takes consistency and lots of reflection and journaling. It takes becoming brutally real and honest with yourself in terms of where you’re at and what your insecurities are. It doesn’t always feel good, but the work is so important. It’s not about feeling badly about yourself. It’s about living a happier, healthier life where you feel less chaotic, more grateful and more calm; where you’re able to show up with people in a way that you really feel good and proud about.

Start having these conversations with yourself. When certain thoughts come up, instead of becoming reactive, controlling and not aligned with how you really want to be, coach yourself. Tell yourself, “okay, I could respond and go the way I always go, or I could take a different route this time.” Slow the process down and give yourself a few seconds to have that conversation. Take it one day, one instance, one moment at a time.

You own you. You own your output. You are in control over every moment of your life. You have the ability to create a life that has less chaos and less stress; a life that’s healthier, happier and more peaceful. But a life where you still get a lot of shit done and you go to bed feeling accomplished and proud of the person you showed up as.

Is Your Work Affecting Your Relationships? How to Increase the Level of Presence and Connection

My dad is an incredible man. We owned a family restaurant and over 23 years, my dad literally put his blood, sweat and tears into it. He was the absolute hardest working man I’ve ever known. I got my passion and drive from him and I’m so grateful for that. 

But his biggest regret is that he missed so much when I was growing up, and in his eyes, he had no choice. As a family owned business, you don’t always have the choice. You have to do the work and as a result, your relationships suffer. It’s the same when you’re the CEO, the boss or an entrepreneur. It can be so challenging to find that balance between work and your relationships. And it can be so easy to allow work to take the top priority in your life.

You CAN have a successful career and still maintain happy, healthy relationships with the people in your life.

Think about your children, your spouse, your partner, your family, your friends - those people and relationships whom you deem as the most important relationships in your life.Are you treating them that way? Are you giving them the time, the space and the nurturing that they need? If I were talking to them, how would they define your presence in that relationship? What level of priority do they feel they have in your life right now?

Maybe you get home from work and you’re not present with your family...you’re distracted, on your phone or your computer. On the weekends, maybe you're so exhausted from the week or maybe you're working on the weekends so your relationships don’t get the best of you. Maybe you’re always saying yes to your work and no to your relationships. Maybe there are resentments that are starting to brew with the people around you because all they want is just a little bit of your space and time.

New on the podcast this week, we are diving into this topic. Whether you are addicted to your work or not, and even if you feel like your work is NOT negatively affecting your relationships, we can all benefit from this conversation. Head over to my podcast to listen in:  http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

So - do you have a work addiction?

And is it causing a ripple into the most important relationships in your life?

Ask yourself some of the tough questions. Because often times when I’m working with some of my clients, they are so incredibly successful...but at what cost? Are you always at the whim of your work 24/7? Are you finding work to do as a way of avoidance? Maybe you’re putting so much into your work because that’s where you excel and you feel you lack the tools to make your relationships thrive? Really sit down and think about how you are prioritizing your life, your work and your relationships. If you can sense or feel that legitimate strain and disconnect that your work is causing with your most important relationships, then you need to learn some strategies to improve that balance and reignite the presence and connection within those relationships.

If you’re a leader, a CEO, an entrepreneur - I get that a lot of the work falls on you at times and to be successful, you need to take ownership and responsibility for that. As an entrepreneur myself, I completely get it. And I’m not saying there aren’t going to be times where your work simply must come before your family. Sometimes, you don’t have the choice but to focus all you have into your work. BUT - as I said before, you can have a successful career while still maintaining healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships. You have to want it, first off, and secondly you need to implement some strategic choices and strategies to help you achieve that balance. 

But here’s the thing - you need to desire to change things. If you don’t, then own that you don’t care about your relationships. Relationships take work and nurturing, the same amount of energy needs to be put there as you do your work.

Here are my top 3 tips on how you can increase the level of presence and connection within your relationships, while still maintaining a successful career:

1. Get clear on what level of priority your relationships are to you; not just verbalizing it, but are you willing to take action to back that up? Rate yourself from 1-10, keeping in mind actually taking action on it and having the willingness and the desire to change. If that's not there, maybe you just need to own that with your family. Tell them that you don’t want to make them a priority. I know that sounds harsh, but they're already living it; they’re already feeling it. You might as well tell them how it is instead of giving them this false hope that it’ll be different than it is. Hopefully you don’t fall into that category; think of yourself 10 or 20 years down the road...do you want to be living with regrets?

2. Communicate with the people around you that you are aware of the problem and that you are going to start to carve out some more time for them. And then actually do it. It’s every easy to quickly go to a place of “I just don’t have enough time, I’m too busy”. But you do have enough time. I work with all kinds of people in all kinds of professions: single moms with multiple children, top CEO’s, athletes, entrepreneurs. When we start to dig into their schedules and analyze where they are spending their time, we always find more time. It’s about where you place priority and how productive you are being during your day. As soon as you start to set some clear boundaries, where you have set times that you are working and set times that you aren’t, your awareness shifts and you start to look at your time differently and want to protect it. Here’s the thing: don’t think that you have to magically find an extra 2 or 3 hours in a day. Even if you can find an extra 30 minutes to dedicate to those relationships - that’s better than it was. It doesn’t matter the length of time; it matters the amount of engagement and presence you have within that time. 

3. Decide how you want to show up in your relationships. Choose 3 words that would define the very best of you in your relationships; not how you already are, but these words should stretch you and challenge you to be even better. They command more out of you because when you’re living into those words, you’re a heightened level of yourself. Instead of being angry, impatient, annoyed, frustrated with your children at the end of the day, how would your best self show up for them in that time? With patience, compassion, calmness, empathy. Maybe those are your words. If you don’t have a strong voice in your relationships, maybe your words are courage or bold. Decide what your 3 words are and then every single morning, write them down and say them outloud. I know it sounds simple; but trust me, I have been doing consistently since the beginning of the month and my life has shifted. When you get home from work, remind yourself of your words. Ask yourself how you want to show up as the best dad, mom, wife, husband, friend, etc.?

It’s about shifting your awareness and setting yourself a different intention. You’re not just saying you want great relationships but you're going to do something about it. If you don't do it now, do you think it'll get easier later? Because once your relationships are gone, they’re gone.Your relationships, once they’re gone, they're gone. I’m not saying you can’t build them back up, by why even push it there and lose all that time?

Be honest with yourself. What are you bringing to those relationships that you deem are most important in your life? Be hard on yourself here. But then equally, what is the action moving forward? That’s the only thing that matters. We get a blank slate every single day. One step, once change; that's all it takes. Communicate those changes with the people around you. Let them hold you accountable. Make a commitment on what you're able to carve out in the week. Choose 3 words and let those words guide you to be your best self.

Want to take it even further and really create more balance with your work and relationships? Learn to schedule yourself differently. More to come on that, but for now check out my daily planner to help you keep yourself organized and productive throughout your day: https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/p/download-your-free-daily-planner

The #1 Reason Why Some Leaders FAIL

A huge shift that I made in 2017 is that I've merged my two worlds of business consulting and High Performance Coaching. It was like I was operating in two different realms but didn’t know how to connect them.

But what I’ve come to realize is that it comes down to Leadership - whether in business, a CEO, entrepreneur or in life, we all can benefit from becoming stronger leaders in life. I am going to hit the ground running in terms of that message in 2018.

Because this applies to everyone. The CEO. The entrepreneur. The manager. The stay at home mom. The student. The word needs strong leaders now. Better leaders. More courageous leaders. 
We need those leaders to start showing up in all areas of life. 

I want to start diving into this topic of leadership and start the conversation in terms of what separates the great leaders from the not so great leaders? Specifically, I want to focus in on the traditional sense of leadership; those who are leading a team in a business or an organization. 

Whatever role you are in, and wherever you currently feel that you are at, I want you to keep this in mind. You can’t solve what you don’t acknowledge. Challenge yourself to really take a close look at your leadership. It may not feel good, but keep yourself open and allow yourself to go there. Because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you develop a strong team. A team that respects you, that is fulfilled and that wants to stay with you and your business.

So, why do some leaders fail?

It’s because they fail to put people first.

They view their teams as a to-do or a task list. You may not think you’re doing it, or you may not be intending to do it. Most leaders who fail in this capacity do so because they simply don’t know how to lead a team; whether that be a lack of understanding of people, a lack of people skills or a lack of knowledge in terms how how great leaders behave.

If you manage or lead a team right now, it is your obligation to know how to lead them. And the first thing you need to do is to take full ownership. As a leader, if it has to do with your team, then it has to do with you. Period. Because what happens with you trickles to your team; and what happens with your team trickles down into every other aspect of your organization. It’s crucially important. 

I challenge you to really take a look at where you’re at right now. What is happening with your team? What is your leadership style? How would your team describe your leadership style? How do you show up for your team? How well do you communicate? Are you a dictator, operating by simply telling people what to do? Sure, that might get you good results...but at what cost? Or, does your team do things because they have a desire to want to help your business grow and be apart of something bigger? 

I highly encourage you to open the lines of communication with the people around you. Get their input...ask them these questions so you can really start to reflect and get real with where you are at. And perhaps start to connect the dots between your leadership, your team and your level of success and happiness.

A word of caution: If you’ve never asked your team for feedback and there is no openness there, you will need to take baby steps. Chances are, they are not going to feel comfortable coming out and being totally honest with you. You’re going to have to build trust with your team and lead by example. Show them with your actions that you’re making a pivot and shift with your leadership, with your presence, how you're being more mindful, how you’re working to improve communication. And over the course of time, that will start to build more trust and your team will feel more and more comfortable to offer you their honest feedback. 

Why does all this matter?

First of all, it matters for your business. Most people who leave their jobs do so because they feel undervalued. They don’t feel like they have a purpose within the business, they don’t feel heard, and they aren’t fulfilled. High turnover in your business has a huge ripple effect; it causes lack of synergy among the other team members, it costs you money and time to continually replace and train new team members, and it creates a reputation that perhaps your business is not a great place that people enjoy working in. 

Secondly, it matters for your people. As a leader, you should care deeply about your people. When you are in a role of leadership, you owe it to your team to give them that fulfillment. A person spends more time at a full time job than they do at home with their families. They spend so much time helping you build out your dream or helping your company; you simply cannot take that for granted. If they are not having an existence at work that is fulfilling, if they are not set up for success with the tools they need, if they are faced with unrealistic expectations, criticism or a leader who is unsympathetic to the realities of life, they are inclined not only to leave, but to give less than 100% while they are working for you. 

I completely understand, though, from a leadership perspective why this can be challenging. When you’re in charge and you’re responsible for everything, it is so easy to be overwhelmed and consumed by the work that making sure your people feel happy, fulfilled and satisfied just isn’t always at the top of your priority list.

But I’m telling you this: your team NEEDS to be at the top of that priority list. You can’t just hope that they will create their own motivation and happiness, that they will just seek out their own development, give themselves praise for a job well done and figure everything out on their own. Place a high priority on doing that for your team. Let them know that they’re the most important thing. And don’t just say it; don’t just plaster a mission statement up on the wall that says “people come first”. Show it with action. Show up with integrity and understand the impact that you have. Don’t just settle with being a bad or even a mediocre leader. Stand out and create a legacy for yourself that is beyond that. 

If you don’t know how to lead or you’re lacking some critical skills in this area, invest in your own development. Reach out and go get the skills that you need. It’s not about being this perfect, incredible leader. It’s about putting your priority into your people and having them know that they are the priority. There’s nothing more important, and it is such an honor, to be able to lead people and to be a part of them creating an amazing experience in their own lives. That’s not something that we should be taking for granted. 

There is nothing more beautiful than when you see synergy with a team and the team feels fulfilled, purposeful and satisfied. It doesn't have to be perfect because they’ve got your back. They have your back because they know that you have theirs. 

Your people are your biggest assets because they are the forefront of your business. Without them, you don’t have a business. Even if you already are a strong leader, challenge yourself here in terms of how you can do better. How can you improve your growth, your openness, the culture of open feedback, in development of entrepreneurs within your business, with how you follow up and show up for people? 

We need to create people focused cultures that also create happy, healthy work environments. It’s incredible what happens with strong leadership and when leaders truly understand that it’s all about their people.

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For more content and tools on becoming a better leader, make sure to follow me on Facebook at Change by Choice as there will be lots to come in 2018 in this area.

And for all my free tools and downloads, join my Members Lounge here: https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/store/GCgCFewi

My Top 12 Biggest Learnings of 2017

I’ve spent a lot of time debriefing my past year and the things that have come to fruition for me in this last year. I’ve changed a lot in this last year. And I’m pumped about it. I want to share with you my biggest learnings of 2017.

I’ve been practicing personal development for over 14 years, and as a High Performance Coach, my entire life is all about personal development. I am immersed in it always because for me, it’s about raising the level of my life in all different areas: my self care, productivity, success, happiness and how I show up for myself and for others. I did a lot of work in this last year. Not that I hadn't done so before, but some things just really came together this past year.

A big shift that I made this year is that I have merged my two worlds of thrive consulting and High Performance Coaching. It was like I was operating in two different realms but didn’t know how to connect them. But I realized it comes down to Leadership - whether in business, a CEO, an entrepreneur, a stay at home mom or just in life, we all can benefit from becoming stronger leaders in life. The world needs strong leaders now. Better leaders. More courageous leaders. We need those leaders to start showing up in all areas of life. We need to stop compartmentalizing and stop viewing leadership as being a manager and leading a team. You’re a leader every single day of your life. And in order for you to be the best leader you can be, you first and foremost need to show up in your life for yourself as a leader.

I am going to hit the ground running in terms of that message. Everything that got brought to light and resolved in 2017 was so that I can enter 2018 clear and able to slay this entire year. It’s going to be incredible. Hard, but incredible.

2017 got harder and harder as the year went on. I’m going to be honest, it was really tough at times. But through it, I gained some incredibly valuable learnings. Here they are.

1 - Don’t Listen to Your Fears and Doubts.

Early in the year, I got a contract with Growth.com, which was a full time offer. I already had my business, Thrive Consulting and my online brand, Change by Choice, to really provide content and tools to help people level up their lives. I had a lot of fear and doubt that came with making this choice to take on this additional contract. I had never coached 20 hours in a week. And I had so many fears and doubts in myself if I was cut out for it; what if I failed? What if I did’t have the energy required to coach that much?
But now, I can coach that and some. Had I listened to my fears and doubts, I never would’ve taken the job. Don’t listen to your fears and your doubts; don’t let them get the best of you. Talk it out with someone. Challenge yourself and put yourself in scary, yet aligned, situations where you could possibly fail. Because here’s the thing: You don't even know what you’re capable of because you’ve probably never challenged yourself to be the most capable you can be. We don’t ever know what our ceiling is. At the start of the year, that was my ceiling. And I slayed it. So now I feel like, “okay what else can I do?” We can match the goals we have as long as you’re willing to do the work and you’re clear on what you want. But don’t let your fears and doubts make the decisions for you.

2 - Let go of the Things that Don’t Provide Peace and Happiness in your Life


I let go of a lot in 2017; thoughts, behaviors, people, projects, jobs. I had to really evaluate everything and it was really tough sometimes. We only have so much time, and your time is your energy. Your energy is gold; the people and the projects that are getting it, they need to earn it. I had to let go of certain things that weren’t deserving of my time or that weren’t aligned with the level of peace and happiness that I require in my life.


3 - Level up Your Productivity


When I added in this additional contract, I really had to level up my productivity. I never used to be super scheduled; I would just fly by the seat of my pants, work on things at the last minute and bounce around from one thing to the next. I got lots done...but at what cost? I had started to incorporate more scheduling, time blocking and organization to my productivity but I really had to level it up this year. My schedule is a thing of beauty; it is completely organized, time blocked and is my virtual assistant. It kept everything on track for me because the less you have to keep in your head and the fewer decisions you have to make, the more mental bandwidth you have for your other work. Which means an increase in productivity. We have to get to a place where you don’t have to remember so much information; get those safety nets in place for yourself so you can spend your time focusing on the task at hand. What productivity behaviors did not work for you in 2017? Where can you level it up?

4 - Bring Gratitude to Every Bad Situation


There were some shitty, hard times in 2017. But I viewed each with gratitude; they’re all blessings. I needed to go through those things; I needed to learn the things that I did. I healed a lot of wounds in 2017 and tackled some things head on that I never would have expected would come up. I learned so much about myself in the process and did a lot of healing. But I viewed each situation with gratitude and sought out the learning in each of those bad situations. And I’m a better, stronger, happier person because of it.


5 - Establish Boundaries
 

I am a reformed people pleaser, and I found myself in certain situations falling back into those old habits. What that really meant for me was that I had to stop apologizing for things that I really didn’t need to own. My own sense of not wanting to feel rejection had me over-apologizing for things that I didn’t need to. I came to the realization that if someone doesn't want to be in my life, that’s okay. I don’t have to take it personally. It doesn’t mean that it doesn't hurt, but I trust in my ability and in who I am. If someone’s not ready to have me in their life, that’s not on me. I’m a straight shooter and people aren’t always ready or wanting that. And I’m okay with that. It really re-established my true worth in myself.


6 - Learn How to Be Alone


In order to really achieve the healing that I had to with some of the hard situations that came up, I had to really take a step back to reflect and be alone. And to learn how to love being alone. I was always the person that had to be with other people and keep busy. But the more I go into service with people, the more I need to recharge myself and spend time with myself. I had to reflect and journal and learn though those situations that needed healing. And being alone was the only way to do that.


7 - Track Your Expenses


It wasn’t always enjoyable to look at the numbers, but this gives me the tools and information I need to make different choices in 2018. I invest a lot in different areas of my life and it’s something that I really wanted to be completely clear on. If you're avoiding finances, just go there. It already is what it is. You might as well track it. Create a budget for yourself and know where your money is going.


8 - Immerse Yourself in Personal Development.


Personal development has always been a part of my life, but I really immersed myself in it every single day of 2017. Whether it was journaling, courses, workshops, reflection or reading, I did something every single day. And it’s no coincidence that I made these huge shifts this last year...that I doubled my income...that I have the relationships and the team that I have. It’s because I did the work. That to me, is self care and something that doesn’t ever get cut. It’s always there. That’s not the area that you start to skim and cut. You hold it close especially in hard times.


9 - Make Sleep a Top Priority


I was really great in certain areas of my self-care, and really dropped the ball in others areas. I completely slayed it when it came to my sleep; I honored my sleep and average around 9 hours a night. If I need to, I take a power nap. Meditation and journaling were two other areas I really excelled in this year. And by honoring my sleep, adding in meditation or even just some breathing exercises when I felt myself start to get tired or anxious or stressed, I can’t even tell you how much this has helped me stay energized this past year. There are some days where I am giving out my full capacity of energy for 10-12 hours. To be able to keep up my energy all the way to the end of the day - required that I had certain habits and disciplines and took care of myself to do so.


10 - Fuel Your Body and Move Your Body


My body is my commodity; if I don’t have my voice and my energy, I don’t have work. I have to keep myself at the top of my game. I always have incorporated my daily Shakeology, but I was never great with my other vitamins. I became very consistent with my vitamin routine in 2017 and I have kept up my energy and not gotten sick since I started. But I dropped the ball in terms of my nutrition and my exercise. I let sugar and dairy creep back into my diet and dropped exercise as a priority. Those areas are going to be my focus going into 2018. But here’s the thing...I wouldn’t have changed anything. The areas that I did focus in on in 2017 were exactly what I needed and were so important for me. And now that those are set in place, I can focus on the other aspects.

 

11 - Fully Own your Life and Live it Authentically

I decided in 2017 to fully own my life and live my life authentically. That’s it. I’m not going to pussy foot around stuff, not going to sit back and not speak my mind. I’m going to align myself with the right things and if something doesn’t fit, it doesn’t fit. I’m at peace with that. If I’m not feeling good about the things in my life, anything that wasn’t aligned or congruent is gone. Anything that didn’t feel good was gone from my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t allow the space for those things to come back in, as long as the learning is there.


12 - Invest in Yourself


Most people will invest their time in 2018 doing a bunch of stuff that’s just busy work or just gives short term happiness. But the real skills and areas that would help them be happier in life,  they don’t invest any time or money into those areas. I encourage you in 2018 to change your mindset there. You want your life to change? You have to change yourself. You don’t have the tools? You have to find them and invest in them. I invested in myself and my development greatly in 2017. And I will be investing huge in this next year. I’ve really levelled up in terms of investing in my own personal development. Why? Because in order to get to the next level, I need to step up. What got me here won’t get me there.

Apply that to your life. What got you here won’t get you there. If you want your life to be different, better, levelled up...you’re going to have to shift in terms of where your time, money and energy is going. You want your life to change? “You have to make different choices. Don’t expect shiny miracles to just happen. You have to push yourself into uncomfortable zones because that’s where you change as a human. When you invest in something and you have to figure out how it’s going to happen and you make it happen.

I’ll leave you with this. In 2017, I shook everything up. I lost people, thoughts, behaviors, projects and certain choices I was going to make because certain things didn’t feel aligned. It all happened for a reason; because there was misalignment. I wasn’t being fully honest with myself or the people around me.
 

Honor your voice. Speak your mind and your truth. If you don’t know how to communicate in a powerful and impactful way, reach out to me. It’s the number one skill you need in life. You want to be a leader in life? In your family or in your job ? It’s the skill you need.
 

Don’t just do whatever you did in 2017. Evaluate how your year went for you; what were the areas in which you weren’t that happy or you were stressed or you just settled and it didn’t feel right. Don’t continue to do that. You have the information. Everything is figureoutable. You have to be willing to make different choices. To be willing to do what most don’t do.

Take small steps. Take small shifts. Be a little better each day than you were the day before. It’s about sustainable changes. I hate new years resolutions because you can’t keep up to them, because you haven’t shifted and changed and strengthened the mindset to match the changes you want to make in your life.

You owe it to yourself, your family and your community to be the best version of yourself. A huge, huge part of why my year was so transformative, was because I worked hard to seek clarity in all areas of my life. Clarity truly is the basis for all change; we can not change or move forward unless we are clear on what we want, where we are at and what is holding us back. I worked hard to gain clarity in my life this past year and it worked; my year was hugely transformative and I learned so much about myself.

I want to offer you guys an incredible training program, The Clarity Method, to help you in this path. It’s a 5 part series in which I guide you, with videos and worksheets, in how to gain more awareness and clarity in your life. After the training, you and I will sit down for a one hour strategy session to set yourself up for 2018. If you want to learn more, head here: https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/p/the-clarity-method

Have You Reached your Full Potential? My Interview with Coach Tim Adams

Last week, I interviewed the incredible Coach Tim Adams. Tim is a sports performance coach who has spent the last 30 years working with the top 1% in their fields - Olympic athletes, world champions, NFL Hall of Famers, MVP’s, Superbowl and Stanley Cup winners. His clients are iconic, household names.

Tim’s success stems from a different coaching approach that he takes with his clients; he wants to stress the system to create resilience. He forces the body to handle more load in order to decrease the chance of injury. In doing so, he created quite a name for himself in professional sports by helping athletes decrease their chance of injury while increasing their longevity.

Tim shared his story and shared with us some amazing lessons along the way.Our interview, “Have You Reached Your Full Potential?” is up on the podcast now. Head here to listen now. http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

I love doing interviews so much and this one was one of my favorites. It highlighted the main points that I love to emphasize whenever I am interviewing someone - that success requires hard work, it isn’t always easy and doesn’t always feel good. I love highlighting all of the success and achievements that someone has reached, but also love to dig into the journey on how it happened. How did they persevere and push through the tough times? It’s important for all of us to remember, regardless of what we are working towards, that the most successful individuals were not born that way. Everyone has struggles and obstacles that they need to overcome; everyone has to work extremely hard to get to that success.
 

Coach Tim Adams has achieved some incredible accomplishments and successes in his life and his career. During his time as Head Strength and Conditioning Coach for the LA Kings, he decreased man games lost due to soft tissue injuries from 83 in the previous two years, to ZERO in the time he was there! He has coached and produced tremendous results with iconic athletes and performers.

Tim shared some really great stories in our interview...plus his two boys, Ryder and Zane, make a few guest appearances and it was so great to see the interaction between them. It’s obvious why Tim says being a parent to his two boys is his greatest accomplishment of his life. Be sure to watch the interview here or listen to it on my podcast for all of Tim’s stories.

What I wanted to share with you guys were a few of my takeaways from my conversation with Tim; as he was telling his story, he dropped some pretty major lessons. The amazing part is that these are lessons that you can apply regardless of who you are, what you’re working towards or what field you are in. These are some universal lessons that helped Tim, and his clients, achieve such incredible success.
 

1. Help and be helped.
 

Tim spoke about how lucky he feels to have had the opportunity to coach at the college level, the professional level, Olympians and world champions...but not only coach them, but to learn from them. He helped them improve and yet they helped him improve at the same time. This is how he got to be so great; he was constantly in a place of wanting to learn and improve. Whatever field you are in and whoever you are dealing with - your clients, coworkers, customers, your spouse, your children - make it an intention to help and be helped. Serve at your highest capacity but look for and be open to the ways in which that interaction can also help YOU. This is how we learn, how we grow and how we become great.
 

2. Don’t shy away from challenges.


Don’t let your ego get in the way of you achieving your goals. So often, we hold back or even quit when things get tough; when we are no longer the smartest/fastest/most successful person in the room. Our ego takes over and we shy away from those situations to protect ourselves. Throughout his career, Tim was always putting himself in challenging positions that FORCED him to adapt, to learn and to get better. This is how he became great. He didn’t shy away from those moments, he embraced them and seeked them out.
 

3. A strong mindset is everything.
 

A strong mindset is what sets people apart - between those who push forward and those who pull back. We would assume that the mindset of professional athletes is strong, but Tim says the reality is that they’re just like anyone else. Yet some of them, the ones who are really iconic, have longevity and repeated success in their fields - they have a mental toughness that is what sets them apart. Because physically, they are all the same. It all comes down to the mindset. In the sports world, it’s something that isn’t talked about very much as the focus tends to be all in the physical aspects. Tim spends a lot of time focusing on it with his clients and he coaches people to handle load - physiologically and psychologically. He puts his clients in physiological stress so that they psychologically learn to understand their true capacity to handle stress and how strong their mindset can be.

I coach around mindset all the time and I really believe everything stems from the strength of your mind. I loved Tim’s approach to strengthening this mental muscle - by connecting it to action. I’ll quote Tim here because I couldn’t say it any better myself -  “You strengthen that mindset way better with action than if you just read a lot of books; if you spend a lot of time in your head and not in action, there’s this point where you almost believe that you’ve done it, just because you’ve been thinking about it so much. But when you get into action, you actually have to do it”.
 

4. Learn from the best
 

As a young athlete running track, Tim developed shin splints and couldn’t run; his coach advised him to pick an event that was a field event. Tim chose the discus - even though he had never done it before. He approached the best fields event coach in the state, who happened to be from his rival high school, and asked him to coach him on how to throw the discus. For the first week, he didn’t even tough a discus. It was all technique; he slowly improved and 3 weeks later, he won districts and qualified for state. In that moment, Tim realized the importance of learning from the best. He went from zero to champion in a mere 3 weeks by learning from the best. That was a lesson he carried on for the rest of his life and one that we can all apply to our own lives.

If you want to be great at something, truly master something, seek out and learn from those who are the best in that area. One of the reasons why Tim has achieved such success is that he made this a priority - learning from the best. He travelled the world spending time with the best sport psychologists, sport scientists, coaches and athletes. He observed how they coached, how they phrased things, their techniques and he applied those things to his work.

Whatever field you are in and whatever area it is that you want to improve in - seek out and learn from the best.
 

5. Take your physical self-care seriously.
 

Tim has had 5 unsuccessful knee surgeries; he has no ACL and his joints are bone on bone. Despite that, he has great mobility and maintains his athletic abilities because he has learned how to take care of himself. He has learned a process called the “11 Minute Routine” that he does on a daily basis that helps him manage his pain and his range of motion. It comes down to the old saying, “Use it or lose it”. If you’re not using and moving your body on a daily basis, then slowly over time, you’re going to feel worse and things are going to degenerate quickly. If daily movement seems way too far of a stretch for you, then Tim suggests taking baby steps; move your body a little bit more tomorrow than you did today. Everyday you move a little bit more, you gain a little more strength, a little more endurance and at the end of a month or a year, big changes will have been made.

I speak to self-care a lot in terms of our mindset, our energy and our happiness. I loved that Tim brought it back to the physicality of it as well; we can not take for granted our physical bodies. How we move them, how we treat them and what we nourish them with is so important; you may not feel it today, but after years of neglect in this area, you will most certainly feel its affects.
 

6. Feedback is necessary to success.
 

Learning from the best is crucial; but so is getting the feedback necessary to improve. It takes learning, work and feedback to be able to make adjustments and progress quickly. The biggest gift you can give yourself is to drop the layers that are holding you back from hearing what you need to hear. If someone is seeing something that can help you bring yourself to the next level of success in whatever it is that you’re doing, you need to be open to accepting that feedback. That’s how we progress at a rapid pace; by accepting feedback and acting on it instantaneously. Shed those layers that are preventing you from taking that feedback because your ego is in the way and you don’t want to get hurt.
 

7. You are capable of so much more than you think.
 

It’s crazy what we are all are capable of doing. Tim tries to bridge the gap in performance between where we are, where we think we can go and where we truly can go. The reality is that we can be so much greater and do so much more than we think we can.

They always said the “4 Minute Mile” could never be done; they said your heart would stop. And as soon as it was actually done and that record was broken, many other people did it that same year.

We impose these psychological barriers on ourselves; these self-limiting beliefs that we hold as truths. For his clients, Tim “holds space for their greatness until they can see it for themselves”. You may not see it yet, but trust in the fact that we are all capable of so much more than we think we are. We just need to get out of our heads and out of our own way sometimes. 

Success is simple; it isn’t easy, but it’s simple.

Try to incorporate a few of these lessons from Tim into your life - your work, your relationships, your parenting, yourself.

I ended the interview as I do all my interviews - by asking what he would say to his younger self?

He would say to trust the process and don’t be in a rush. Set a plan that’s bigger than a year; set dreams instead of goals because goals are finite but dreams have longevity.

Listen to this episode here or watch the interview here.

You can reach out to Tim at https://www.coachtimadams.com/ or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/coachtimadams/

Stop Pleasing and Appeasing this Holiday Season

I know I’m not alone in feeling like each year goes by faster than the one before it. I literally feel like it was just summer and I blinked and now I’m getting ready for the holidays.

That’s the thing about this life….while the days may be long (especially if you have kids...then you totally get this!), the years are certainly short. Which is why being mindful and present with every moment is so important. Especially as we head into the holidays...the time where our lives become even more chaotic. We do more, we spend more, we eat more. We stretch ourselves thin, become overwhelmed and consumed by expectations.

In this week’s podcast, “Stop pleasing and appeasing this holiday season”, I’m diving into the unnecessary stresses around the holidays. The things that make us anxious, unhappy, spread too thin. Because the result of those things? We don’t even enjoy the process of it all. Head here to listen now → http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

I’ve already been speaking with people who are already feeling anxious and stressed about the upcoming holidays. It’s supposed to be a time of joy, but it’s one of the times that brings on the most depression, stress and illness because we tend to be unaligned with the choices we are making. We aren’t taking care of our physical bodies, honoring our time and our finances and then we feel the consequences every January.

Let’s discuss where all this stress and overwhelm comes from and take note for yourself where things are coming up for you.

Time:

Does time and the apparent lack of it cause you stress? Do you feel obliged to do things over the holidays that you just don’t want to do? We often can feel like we are being pulled in so many directions; there is so much to do and so many places to go and people to visit but not enough time to do it all. Assess right now what your time looks like; are you able to take some time off? What families, friends and parties do you feel obliged to?

Where could you set some boundaries or make some choices? You don’t have to apologize for where you are choosing to spend your time. Choose the top priority ones for YOU and enjoy them; make it quality time spent.

Self Care:

Where do you tend to overindulge over the holidays? Food? Drink? Lack of sleep? Where do you fall short in terms of taking care of yourself? It doesn’t have to be so extreme; you don’t have to say “F it” and throw all of your self care out the window. You can indulge and enjoy but still maintain some of your self care practices.

Finances:

Are you stressed out thinking about how much you need to buy? Are there certain expectations that make you feel uncomfortable? Are you going to feel the consequences of your financial choices in the New Year? At the end of the day, you have to protect YOU. It might be time to redefine what the holidays are all about; limit the amount of things. Things aren’t what strengthen relationships, make memories or make us happy. Set a budget for yourself and make a choice that’s reasonable for where you are at. Let go of the expectations and pressure around gift giving; the thought really is what matters most.

If you have children in your life, I encourage you this year to set a learning lesson around the holiday season. Why are we positioning our kids to always be in a place of wanting more, needing more and not appreciating the things they have? Maybe it’s time to change up the dialogue with our children; go out and serve in the community. Teach gratitude for the blessings in your life and do what you can to spread joy to those less fortunate.

Regardless of where you feel the stress during the holidays, it’s important that you honor yourself. Honor your space, your time and your energy. Don’t put yourself in situations that aren’t going to make you feel good. Set yourself up for success so that when it’s all over, you can look back feel great about the choices that you’ve made.

Don’t start off your new year in a deficit - financially, energetically, spiritually and physically. You own how your holidays go and the choices that you make. Find a little clarity and set some boundaries so that when the holidays end and January comes, you’re not feeling that deficit. Instead, you’re looking back feeling like you enjoyed your time and it was the best of you.

Let’s make the holiday season different this year.

Levelled up.

More peaceful.

More joyous.

More about the human spirit and contribution and gratitude and less about the overwhelm, the expectations, the consumption, and the need to please.

Join me on this podcast episode and let’s make this the best holiday season you’ve ever had. Listen here → http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

I’d love to hear from you - how are YOU going to bring more joy and peace this holiday season? Head over to Change by Choice and send me a message! I would love to hear from you.

Trust Your Hustle - My Interview with Anthony Trucks

Last week, I had the absolute honor of sitting down and chatting with Anthony Trucks. I have heard Anthony speak live twice; most recently at High Performance Academy back in September. He shared his story from a different angle than he had previously and it was so impactful that I knew I just wanted to share. If you want to jump straight to the podcast, click here.


#everystorymatters and when I interview people, I love highlighting not only the successes and the milestones that have been achieved, but the path and the struggles it took to get there. That’s really why I wanted to interview Anthony. To show people that the journey to success is not an easy, straight path. It’s messy and it takes tremendous perseverance and a strong mindset to push through the hardest times. Which is exactly what Anthony has had to do.

Anthony Trucks is a self proclaimed “foster kid turned NFL athlete turned serial entrepreneur.”. He is a married father of 3, appeared on an American Ninja Warrior, is a former NFL player, business owner, international speaker and corporate business consultant.

But none of those things define who Anthony is. He does things because of the way his mindset operates, and the reason he operates the way he does is because of his upbringing and his childhood.

Anthony’s first memory of life?


Being given to foster care by his mom. Feeling like he wasn’t good enough, feeling scared and lost and wondering why it was happening. Being placed into homes where he was beaten and starved and tortured...all before the age of 6.

At the age of 6, Anthony was placed into a foster home that is his family to this day. But even then, things weren’t amazing. His mother loved him, but things were still not great in the family with his foster dad. Over the years, he just tried to hang in there. “I literally just focused on staying alive. Just trying to get by. There was no way you could reach for anything good because things are so bad, you’re just trying to stay alive in those moments.”
 

Over the years, things started to get better. But as it got better, it got scarier for Anthony because he knew that in the foster system, he could be picked up and placed somewhere else without any warning. He was afraid to enjoy and embrace it all because he was afraid it would be taken away.

He was finally adopted by his foster family when he was 14 years old. “At 14, I stood in front of a judge and I looked at my biological mom, and I had to look in her eyes and tell her that I didn’t want her to be my mother anymore. And when I cut that tie, I got free.” Anthony’s biological mother had “parental rights” meaning she could say what he could and couldn’t do. So when those ties were cut, Anthony started something he had always wanted to do - play football. It gave him the first feelings of self-worth and defining who he was and what he could be.


The problem was, as Anthony puts it, he “sucked” at football. He had this thing he loved that he just couldn’t do, so he gave it up. The inner dialogue began in his head “you know what, you’re a foster kid. You’re not going to do much. You’re not supposed to do anything great”. This story played in his head until one day at the age of 15.

“I was 15 years old, I was in English class with my hoodie over my head, and I’m half asleep and two girls were talking and she says ‘the reason I’m so bad is because I’m in foster care’. And I thought, “wow....that’s not a good sounding statement”;  but that’s what I was telling myself. I remember going home, and I remember thinking “how do I want my life to go? Do I want to be 30 and look back and be like, well the reason I’m a criminal or not successful or have no family is because I’m a foster kid? Do I want to have to keep reliving this story?

I remember looking at the mirror, dead in my own eyes and I said “you’re going to be great”. It was just that single decision.”

And his life changed from that moment.

So many people feel stuck in their stories. It’s never too late to change the dialogue in your head. You are in the driver’s seat of your life and at any time you can make the decision to change the trajectory of your life. Anthony had every reason to not be successful in this life; but in that moment, he made a conscious choice to not go that way.

In our interview, Anthony described how as humans, we like to be right. So when we make a statement, we do everything we can to then make that statement right. So if you say “nah I’m not smart enough to do that”, so for example, a test comes up, you don’t study, you don’t do well and you’re like “See? I told you I wasn’t smart enough.”


Can you relate to that in your life anywhere?


If you say you’re not capable, not smart enough, you don’t deserve greatness….then you’re going to do things, sometimes unconsciously, that’s going to make those statements correct. You have to step back and write yourself a new story. And then figure out how to live your life differently in order to make that story the right one, instead of the story you’ve been telling yourself.

When Anthony made that decision that he was going to change the story of his life, he had no idea what he was going to be great at. He just knew that he was going to put in the effort and trust in himself that he would figure it out.


You have to put in incredible amounts of effort before you’ll know if you’re going to be successful. That’s the one thing that is missed in so many people’s lives. They want to make sure they are going to be successful before they put all of their effort into it.  

But here’s the thing. At the end of the day, “there’s no guarantee that you’ll win or be successful, but I can guarantee that you aren’t going to win if you don’t give everything.”

Anthony used that same mentality in his life. He put  in lots of effort and become great at football and continued doing that same thing with everything in his life; tremendous effort in order to be successful. He got a college football scholarship and played for 3 years, he went on to play in the NFL until an injury caused him to stop playing. He opened and closed multiple gyms, consults businesses, coaches and travels the world speaking. All because of that one moment where he realized that there’s more to his life.

In 2015, life changed for Anthony once again. He sat in a hospital room with his mom and dad and grandma. His mother had been suffering from Multiple Sclerosis and “watching the heart rate monitors slowly decline, we knew it was coming, but in that moment it goes so slow. And you start looking at those numbers and thinking “this is it”. And I watched her take her last breath as I held her hand. This is life. It is that finite. And in that moment I had this really deep reflection. What is life about? What are we supposed to be doing? What does my life mean?”


We don’t have time to waste in this life.


Anthony spoke about the preciousness of life in a way I had never thought of it before. He said, “She passed away at 47. I’m 33 now. Think about how fast your life has gone until now. For me, I feel like high school was last year. If my mom passed at that age, I could be here for less time than I’ve already been here.”


I could be here on this earth for less time than I have already been here.


Wow.

Anthony’s mission today is to impact those who impact, which is all of us. We all have someone looking up to us in some way; we all impact someone around us in some way. We are all someone to someone else.

Anthony’s company is called Trust Your Hustle and he teaches people how to go from that place of just barely surviving to thriving in all aspects of life. In his “thriv3” program, he coaches people through three stages: See, Sacrifice and Sustain.

The first step is seeing your life from a different perspective. See what is holding you down or holding you back. Clarity is always step one. Then it’s about gaining clarity in terms of what you want to achieve.

The next step, once you see things more clearly, is sacrifice. “You have to give up who you are for who you want to become.” Now that you see what you want, you have to step back and determine what you can give up in order to get there. Or, what have you been giving up that you shouldn’t have been? Stop sacrificing the good stuff - like your health and your relationships. Start sacrificing the bad stuff - your comfort zone, your ego, wasted time. When you can start making those sacrifices and those changes, you can create the life you’re looking for. It’s not impossible; it’s tactical, you just have to put stuff in place to get it done. One step forward is better than nothing at all. It comes down to the actions we take.

Finally, how to sustain those habits and disciplines for the level you have achieved but also for the new levels you want to hit. This includes creating the “dream team” of people around you, maintaining your health and your perspective on your life and your future. Go to www.trustyourhustle.com to take the quiz to find out what your thrive type is and what it means.

Life has an amazing plan for us. But we mess it up. We step in our own way. We hide from or shun away or don’t pursue opportunities when they come up.

Here’s the thing. This is not new information and this isn’t anything you haven’t heard before. The problem is that if you’re not in a great place, then you haven’t done anything with the information you’ve been hearing. When are you going to stop with the excuses and when are you going to stop being okay with being okay?

People are always looking for their why, for their purpose and their life’s passion work. But it doesn’t have to be that. You just have to find something that’s going to get you up in the morning. As Brendon burchard says, the piano of purpose isn’t just going to fall onto your head one day.

Start making shifts and making different choices.

Anthony describes finding his purpose as being like a road you have to walk. You have to get up and start walking this road, but at the end of the road is your purpose. But you won’t reach the purpose if you don’t chase some passions along the way. You chase your passions and you fall into your purpose. Anthony chased a lot of passions on his journey, and along the way, he figured out his purpose. But it never would have happened had he not trusted himself and followed his gut to go after the things that were presented to him.

In chasing your passions, Anthony described two different kind of people - “heart” and “head” people.

Heart people want it and they know they can do it, but they fault when the rubber hits the road. They want to operate in a place of sustained, high motivation. But it doesn’t happen. And then they make great excuses, knowing everyday that they are cutting themselves short. Head people just want to know. They want to know before they step in if it’s going to work out. But the problem is that you don’t know unless you take that step, so you just have to go.

You’re stuck where you’are at now because you don’t have the tools. And those tools are life experiences along the way. Approach each step and each problem with that mentality - “okay. I don’t know what I need right now, but I’m going to figure it out and get the tools I need to move to the next level.” You rise up and you have less and less setbacks. A little success leads to trust in yourself that you can figure it out.

I ended the interview by asking Anthony what he would go back and tell himself as a young child. He told a story that I think we can all relate to on some level. He used to be really bad in school. In the 4th grade,the principal made him a deal that he would get candy bars for each week that he wasn’t bad in school. At the end of the year, he didn’t earn one candy bar.


He realized, now, that he was so bad as a child because he was seeking attention. He wanted attention from his real mom, his foster parents, his teachers, any outside attention. So he caused havoc.


What would he tell a young Anthony?
“You don’t need anyone to look at you. Just look at yourself. Enjoy your life.”

#everystorymatters and this is a good one.

You can listen to the full episode over on my podcast.

Or watch the interview over on my Youtube channel.

Do You Really Know What You Want?

Sometimes we think that we know what we want.

Until we are asked. Until we actually have to describe it and then we realize that we aren’t actually clear on what we want.

If I asked you to tell me what you want, in all areas of your life, what would you say?

Clarity is the base foundation of everything we do.

And lack of clarity can show up everywhere.

It shows up in our work; when we have so much to do but we just sit there, overwhelmed and paralyzed not sure how to start and move forward.

It shows up in our relationships; whether or not to stay in a relationship, what changes should or could be made or what you’re willing to compromise on.

It shows up in our goals; or maybe you are clear on your goals, but don’t know where to start or how to get there.

It shows up in our careers; maybe you’re not happy in your profession and you want something else, you just are unclear as to what that is or how to get there.

Clarity and lack of clarity is the one thing that is weaved throughout everything we do in life.

Sometimes, having a lack of clarity makes us feel so out of control or anxious that we either avoid it and don’t want to figure it out, or we just start to do things randomly. It’s like we are shooting that arrow in all random directions...just hoping that it will eventually hit the bullseye...hoping that at some point, it’ll work out and you’ll be happy.

Does that not sound ridiculous?

You need to know clearly what you’re pointing at. So that you can use your time and energy in a way that’s strategic, productive and effective. That’s where clarity comes in.

It helps you point that arrow in the correct direction.

You start with clarity, you add in action and some courage and hopefully you’ll get the result you’re hoping for, And if you don’t, it’s okay. Just because you get clear doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful. A lot of hard work still has to happen.

But it’s okay; because you weren’t just randomly shooting things in the air hoping for something to work out. If you were clear and strategic with your choices, you will always gain a learning...if you are open to that.

Embrace the struggle and stop resisting; start surrendering to the process of everything. It doesn’t have to be chaotic or a fight or feel like you’re dreading every step and viewing your failures as the be all-end all of everything. You can enjoy the process - even the things that don’t feel good.

Embrace it.

Why? Because what we resist, persists. When you embrace it, at least you open yourself up to that learning.

Here’s the other thing about clarity.

Even when we start to gain some clarity in certain areas, it keeps showing up. Seeking clarity never just ends; it’s not like you reach a place where you have some clarity and you’re just good. There is no end point where all of a sudden you’re clear and that’s it.

Because as you gain more clarity, you gain more knowledge.

With that knowledge, you start to make different choices. Changes start to happen in your life. And with those changes, new clarity is required. Clarity is the one thing that follows us everywhere...if you’re open to it. Because when you get more clear and you start to make those shifts towards the things you want, then you feel good, you gain competence and that increases your confidence.

Brendon Burchard talks about the “Confidence Competence Loop”. The more confidence you gain, the higher level of competence you are able to achieve which in turn increases your confidence and it keeps raising yourself up. Each time feeling better, stronger and more clear. Every new level that you hit requires more clarity. Embrace that you’re always going to need another level of clarity to get to that next level. The work when it comes to clarity never ends.

So - how do you start to get more clarity in your life?

Start with journaling. I created a free journaling guide to help you get started. You can download it here → Clarity Journal.  I created it because journaling is hard. But it’s such an essential starting place. It’s not journaling just for the sake of journaling. Everything that we do is strategic. It’s about asking yourself and reflecting on the right questions. In doing so, we are creating more information so that you have the ability to move forward and make different choices based on the information you are bringing in. Journaling, which requires thinking, reflecting and observation of your life, is one of the strongest skills and habits you can incorporate into your life.

So - do you actually know what you want?

Where are you stuck? Where are you not clear?
What area of your life are feeling most uncertain, unclear and without direction?
Are you ready to start digging into those areas, so that you can make some changes?

If the answer is yes, then my next question to you is “what are you waiting for?”

Because every day that passes you by is a day you’ve taken for granted.

What are you waiting for? Start by gaining some clarity.

Registration for my latest training program is still open - and it’s focused completely around clarity. It’s a series of 5 training videos and worksheets to help you gain that clarity in your life, plus a 1 hour coaching session with me where we will make a specific plan to start move yourself forward in your life.

If this sounds like something you want to learn more about, head here and check out all the details → https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/p/the-clarity-method

Remember...clarity is the base foundation of everything we do. We change by choice. But those choices need to be driven by clarity.

Why do we get so weird when it comes to MONEY?

How much money do you make per year?
How much is your time worth?
How much will your sell your product for?
How much do you have invested?
How much did you spend on your house, your wedding, your car?
How much debt do you have?
How much money do you want to have?

NOT the typical questions that come up in our normal conversations.

Money is such a sticky subject. And it makes people so uncomfortable to talk about.

Frankly, talking about money just makes people act weird.

And it’s because, as a whole, we have a weird relationship with money.

I have been wanting to speak on this subject for such a long time and I’m so excited to bring you guys this latest episode of Change by Choice. Head over to my latest podcast episode where I dive into WHY we get so weird with money and how we can start to move forward. Spoiler alert → how you feel about money is tied to your mindset and how you feel about your own self worth.
Head here to listen now → http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

So - how is your relationship with money?

-Does it cause a lot of rifts within your relationships and your family?
-Does it make you uncomfortable with your coworkers?
-Does it make you resentful of your job or your boss?
-Are you afraid to set goals that include a financial aspect because you feel like your place in life is “stuck” where you’re at?
-Do you avoid speaking about money because you don’t want to sound superficial or braggart?
-Or maybe it was never part of the dialogue when you were growing up, so you feel uncomfortable talking about it as an adult?
-Does money stress you out because you feel like you always want more and never have enough?  
-Do you hoard your money - too afraid to spend or invest in anything?
-Or maybe you have no boundaries with money and have no desire to save or be strategic with your money.

Wherever you are at - it’s so important that you move past it.

Whether we care to admit it or not...the hard truth is that money ends up ruining so many of the things that we desire the most in life. The most important thing being our relationships; if you have a strained or weird relationship with money, it can impact all other relationships in your life. It is staggering how many divorces are caused because of differences due to money; whether it’s a difference in thought process related to money, in how it should or shouldn’t be spent, in the stress it can cause when there isn’t enough, to the resentment and control and power dynamics that can come into play due to money.

Money is a sticky subject for sure. But for us to move forward, to feel comfortable setting strong financial goals, to improve our relationship with money and to eliminate the weird power that money has on us and our relationships - we need to shift our mindset completely.

We need to be able to see our personal value and worth within money.
We need to be able to talk about it openly without judgement, criticism or fear.
And we need to shift from a “lack mindset” to an “abundant mindset”.

The “lack mindset” is where money has all control; you feel like money is always tight, you never have enough. You always want more of it, but feel as though you could never get it. It’s full of fear, doubt and uncertainty when it comes to money. It causes stress and unhappiness and in this mindset, money has all the power over your life.

When we can shift into the “abundant mindset”, you become connected to the fact that it’s all going to work out. I’m not saying be naive to the point that you don’t pay your bills because you know “it’ll work itself out”. You still need to make start, strategic choices with your money. But here’s the difference; if you position yourself with the right actions, if you know your own worth and you trust in the process, money no longer has that power over you. It’s when your mindset becomes stronger than that control that money possesses over you. It’s when you feel like you want more money, and instead of saying “but I’m stuck where I’m at, it’s impossible”, you say “It’s totally possible. There’s lots of money out there and lots of people who are making tons of money all the tie. Why not me?”

Breaking free from the weirdness with money also requires acknowledging WHY you want more money, and being okay with it.

Your desire to have financial freedom does not define you as a human being.
It does not make you a bad person. It does not make you superficial. It doesn’t mean that you don’t enjoy the process and what you currently have; you can be happy in your life but still want more.
If that’s you - own it!

Personally, when I think of having financial freedom, it’s such a big goal for me because of all the other freedoms it opens up for me - freedom in my location, my time and my work. It gives me the ability serve and contribute in a greater capacity because I am not pressed with the uncertainty of my finances.

What is your why? If you want more money in your life, ask yourself why? There is no right or wrong answer here. Maybe it’s for more time to spend with your children, or maybe it’s so you can buy a fancy new car. We need to stop the judgement that comes with money; everyone has different driving factors in their lives. Own yours.

At the end of the day, it all relates back to our own sense of worth.

What is your worth, if you had to put a dollar value on yourself?
When you show up in a conversation where money is the focus - a new job, a raise, a new proposal or a conversation with your partner - do you have the ability to show up with strength and confidence because you know your value and your worth?

For myself, when conversations about money come up, for example when I’m submitting a contract proposal, I attach a financial outcome to my personal worth based on my experience and what I can achieve in terms of results. That number is relative to how I feel about myself, to what I know to be true about myself and the confidence I have in my abilities.

If you lack confidence in terms of your worth, then of course money is going to be a weird subject for you. Of course you’re going to come from a “lack mindset” where you feel as though you never have enough and can never get more. It starts with you. It starts with your confidence and sense of worth.

I want you to really think about this and acknowledge what’s coming up for you - where do you have weird hangups with money? Journal it. When you gain more clarity and awareness as to what’s coming up for you, you can start to analyze what is no longer working for you and what shifts you need to start making.

How can you redefine your relationship with money? What actions do you need to take to shift out of the lack mindset and into the abundant mindset?

Because here’s the truth - if you feel stuck financially, like you’re not worth enough and you will never make more money or get out of the situation you are currently in - that’s your mind telling you that. It’s not the facts. You need to get out of that mindset.

People make money ALL THE TIME. Lots of money. Every single one of us is capable of doing it. It’s not a certain type of person that can be successful. It comes down to the thoughts you have and the actions that lead you there. Do you have the drive to get yourself there?

Don’t ever tell yourself that it’s not possible. Wherever you have judgement, criticism, limiting beliefs or a limited thought process around your relationship to money - you need to own it. Write it down. And then redefine it. There should be no weirdness about what you want to make, how much money you want to have or what you feel you are worth financially.

Just remember to be happy and honor yourself throughout the process. Yes, money opens up lots of doors for people, but if you feel as though you will only be happy when you reach that financial goal, and you aren’t enjoying the process, then you have a lot of growth to do in terms of your mindset and show you see yourself in your life.

And I’m willing to bet that when you do reach that financial goal, you still won’t be happy unless you get the mindset piece sorted out.

It starts with your mindset, You have to get your mindset right so you can see how you need to move forward. We are not meant to live small. We are meant to have big, huge ambitions in life. But it starts with opening up those thought processes. Throw out what doesn’t work and start redefining and creating a path for yourself based on what you want to achieve in your life.

You start to do that, you’ll start to see things shift and change in your life.

For more content and all of my free tools and downloads, join the free Change by Choice Members Lounge → https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/store/GCgCFewi

Let's Talk about the F Word...FEAR

Last week I shared a topic related to the cost of our decisions; and we dug into the things you are losing, the benefits you are missing out on, and the level of success that you just aren’t reaching because you aren’t willing to invest in yourself, your team or your development. If you missed it, you can listen to my podcast here or check out last week's blog post.

I want to continue that conversation today by looking at another barrier that’s preventing you from reaching that level of success - the F word.

FEAR.

Our mind is a powerful thing. It is programmed to protect us.

It protects us from what we’ve gone through in the past, our own insecurities, our past experiences, physical pain and being vulnerable. Fear is a survival mechanism - that’s the good part.

The problem is that our brain doesn’t know the difference between REAL danger and us just playing small. All it knows is fear. And that tells us not to do things.

Do you have fears that are coming up for you? The fear of failure? Of rejection? Of putting yourself out there? Of ridicule? Of losing all your money and resources?

In my latest podcast episode, I walk you through the steps to overcome this fear so that you are finally able to level up and achieve the things you want in life.

Listen here → http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

Why is this an important conversation?

Because fears can really take over your life if you allow them to. They hold you back. Make you play small. Keep you caged. Especially when we are listening to them and we aren’t choosing our actions PAST those fears.

So - how do we choose our actions past those fears?

In these 3 steps…

1. AWARENESS

Awareness and clarity are key to everything; once you understand where things are coming from and why they are coming up for you, then you are able to choose differently and make different choices. But you can’t do that without first gaining some awareness and clarity.

So, where is that fear coming up for you? And why is it coming up?

Here’s the thing about fear. It’s there to protect us; the problem is that our brain doesn’t know the difference between actual danger and us just playing small. A key part here to remember is that when your mind is positioned in a mindset of fear, that is NOT the time to be making decisions in your life. That’s the time where you should be journalling.

Take a step back when those fears come up to ask yourself some questions: why am I thinking like this? Why is this fear coming up for me right now? The question “why” is so powerful here and the worst thing you can do is to believe what your head is telling you as though it’s the truth. Because it’s not.

Also ask yourself what kind of fear you are feeling. Brendon Burchard speaks of the 3 types of fears that come up most often for people.

Loss Pain - the fear that you’re going to lose something in making that choice or taking that action.
Process Pain - the process itself - because it’s going to be hard, a struggle, you don’t know how to do it - causes fear.
Outcome Pain - the fear that even after you put in all the work, time and energy, you still don’t get the outcome you were hoping for.

A key part of this awareness is in clarifying which category your fear falls into. Journal and get clear on the fears that are coming up for you, and why. The power in clarity is that once you have it, you can then choose differently to move through it. You don’t have to do what your head is telling you. You can choose differently.

We have to stop living in hope and start choosing the life we want. And that means taking the steps that will strategically move us towards the things we are working towards.

2. ACTION

Now that you have gained awareness, where do you go from here? The fears haven’t gone anywhere; you have to step into a stronger mindset than the fear.

Instead of focusing on what could go wrong...think of it this way. What are the great things that might happen? What does it look like and feel like if you actually achieve it? And what will you learn along the way, even if you do “fail”?

It’s a shift in the mindset.

The second piece to this is ensuring that you are prepared. Sometimes, we fail because it’s a lack of preparation; we were just frivolously making decisions and spending money and hoping that we hit the right outcome. You need to be strategic, methodical and prepared. If there’s something in terms of skill, experience or resource that you lack, either learn it or have somebody come help you in that area. We have to stop hoping and wishing and we have to start preparing and planning.

3. GROWTH

We have now gone from aware to prepared. You’ve decided that you want it, you’re clear on what fears are coming up for you and why and you know what you need to get there. There still might be fear, and that’s okay; you can talk yourself through it each day because you have gained the clarity, awareness and action to do so.

Here’s where consistency and choice come into play - the final piece to this puzzle. There’s the awareness, the clarity, the action and the courage that’d needed, and then comes the growth. Some of the fears that are coming up for you are connected to pieces of yourself that you need to strengthen and grow. You’re not going to do that in your comfort zone; growth happens when you push it to the place of discomfort...where it’s a struggle. Honor that struggle.

When you reach the place where, regardless of the outcome of the situation, you can recognize and appreciate the growth and learning that has occurred in the process - that’s powerful. That’s a growth mindset. The opposite is a mindset that tells you that unless something happens perfectly, it was a complete failure.

Enjoy the process. Bring joy to the process. You have to make a choice to enjoy it and appreciate it, no matter how hard it gets and no matter the outcome.

That’s the key to pushing past the fear. It’s a shift in terms of your mindset.

Think about this: how are you speaking to yourself? Are you super critical of yourself? Too afraid to push through? Have all the excuses in the world as to why you’re not taking that step or reaching that next level? Allowing your fears to control your actions?

Has that mindset gotten you the results you want? Probably not.

Are you going to shift your mindset?

Pick small things and act with more courage each day. Do a little something every day. Forward is forward. But when you don’t do anything, because fear is paralyzing you - you don’t do anything. But those small changes that you make, that’s growth.

And that’s how you push past the fear that’s holding you back.

What is the True Cost of your Decisions?

I recently got home from a trip to California where I was immersed in personal development, conferences, learning, growth and connections for 10 days. It was nothing short of incredible and the things I have gained are invaluable.

But if I said it wasn’t a financial strain to travel to another country for 10 days, I’d be lying.

If I made decisions based out of emotions, based out of fear, or based on nothing more than the short term benefit/loss analysis - then I may not have invested in going on this trip.

But I know better. I know better for myself and for my business. I know what I GAIN by investing in myself, my team and my business. I see the potential future gains, even when in the short term, it might put me in a tight spot once in awhile.

But more importantly, I know what I LOSE by not making those decisions.

In my latest podcast episode, I dive deep into the real cost associated with making decisions in our lives. And I walk you through the process that I go through when I’m making decisions for myself. Listen now → http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

There is a cost associated with the decisions that you’re making...and the decisions that you aren’t making.

So, let’s talk about cost because it’s something we don’t often explore. For example, perhaps you are debating whether or not you should invest money into a workshop, a coach, a conference or training. And you hesitate; you wonder if that’s where you should be spending your money right now and maybe you can’t see the potential future gain.

I am all about making smart, strategic decisions for yourself, and never would I advocate spending well out of your means. But the key here is to ensure that you are making those decisions strategically; not out of fear, doubt or emotions. It’s about being able to look at all of the pros and cons and being able to ask yourself and analyze in the long term, what the potential gains may be.

Ask yourself not only what does this cost in this very moment?

But perhaps more importantly, ask yourself this question:

“What will it cost me by NOT moving forward with it?” We don’t often look at the other side.

This goes way beyond investing money into just training and personal development. It can be applied to anything - how you are making decisions to set yourself up for success, to establishing those habits and discipline in your life, to giving yourself a solid morning routine, to delegating and outsourcing certain aspects of your life or business.

How much time and energy is that costing you by not making those decisions?

Look at the decisions you are making and really analyze; are they short term, fear or avoidance based decisions? Or are you really looking at how you are setting yourself up for success in the long term?

Personally, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to make decisions like this in my life and my business. Whether it was outsourcing or delegating tasks, investing my own training and development or investing in my team, if I always had just looked at the numbers and the finances, then it probably wasn’t always the right time for those choices.

But I’ve learned something time and time again from so many of my mentors - and that is don’t wait until you have to; start to set yourself up proactively.

Because for all the time that you spend by NOT outsourcing, by NOT delegating, by NOT having that solid morning routine in place, by NOT establishing those habits and disciplines - it’s costing you something else, somewhere else in your life.

Here’s how I walk through the process in my own life when I’m faced with these decisions.

I always ask myself first - what is it going to cost me to NOT make that investment?

Second - I use two criteria when making decision that are going to give myself more time. W/ith that time I am gaining, it must be used strategically. I must use that time to either work on building my business or spend time with my children. Those are the two factors that I always look at it.

Whenever I’ve delegated, outsourced, brought someone in to clean my house, investment in my own coaching or development - I really always trust the process of it.

And every time I’ve used this method it’s always worked out. I’ve created more time and more bandwidth for myself. Which in turn, has had a positive impact on my stress, my level of success in my business, my happiness, my mental capacity and my health.

Take a moment and analyze everything in your life; is there an area where you can outsource or delegate to free up some bandwidth?

A lot of people hesitate on spending money on personal development because it’s an element in which you don’t see the financial return right away. But here’s the bottom line. If you are well, and you keep yourself a priority - if you are constantly putting yourself in a place of development where you are focused on your growth, where you’re always looking at your life and how you can level yourself up - then you will always see the impact on your business and your relationships. That’s where you need to trust the process.

The two most important commodities we have are ourselves and time. Invest in both.

So, think of some examples in your life where you hesitate in making decisions and hesitate in investing in certain aspects of your life. Don't just look at the dollar figure in front of you. Sit back and ask yourself what it’s really going to cost you. Because you know what you’ve been like up until now.

The world is filled with good intentions but not everybody takes action. You may be well intended, you may think you don't need that support and you can do it all, but bottom line is that there’s a cost associated with it. And that cost shows up in many places - it strips away our health, eats up our time and stresses us out so we don’t show up well in our relationships, we aren’t happy and we aren’t enjoying the process of life.

Grab those journals and start to acknowledge some of the things that are coming up for you, things that are holding you back or things that you can do without any help. Give yourself the gift of investing in yourself. You are not stuck. It is possible. You can make it happen. You just have to make smart decisions. But don’t be so safe that you keep yourself in the same spot.  You’re going to have to take some risks sometimes.

Allow yourself to be guided by what you know to be true for you. That is what’s going to get you to the next level of success in your life. Nobody else can do that work but you. What possibly could happen if you made a different decision, or got some help, got some development or training or outsourced something?
 

You would be able to reach another level in your life and your business. That’s pretty powerful.

If you want more, listen to other Podcast episodes on Change by Choice here and you can head to my Facebook Page, Charlotte Ferreux - Change by Choice for more to help guide you on your journey to success.

Another resource is my free members lounge, full of content,  free tools and downloads to help you on your process of levelling up your life. Join here → https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/store/GCgCFewi

5 Truths About Building an Online Business...that No One Tells You - My Interview with Vito La Fata

I recently had a chance to sit down live and interview one of my mentors, Vito La Fata.
I was so honoured to interview Vito; he’s one of my mentors and was really the first coach I ever had. If it wasn’t for my connection and coaching from Vito, my journey would not have lead me to where I am now.

If you missed my LIVE interview with Vito La Fata the other night - you can download the audio now on my Podcast, Change by Choice. http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

Vito is the creator of Fitnesspreneur’s Life and co-creator of The Visionary Planner. He has found tremendous success in not only launching but building out his own online businesses.

But success didn’t just fall into his lap. He hustled and grinded for 7 years to get to the place he’s in today. Time after time, he realized that he didn’t fit into the traditional mold that society places us into; from Wall Street to fashion to the fitness industry, he kept hitting the same realization that there were always external factors that he didn’t love and which were beyond his control. He was $105,000 in debt from buying out his partner, had lost his house and was getting completely burnt out from trying to figure out this freedom lifestyle.  He got sick of trading dollars for hours and refused to allow so many external factors to continue to control his life.

He set out with his own vision and his own path; a path in which he was in total control. And from that vision, he created the Fitnesspreneur’s Life in which he teaches people in the fitness industry how to generate business and financial success. He also co-created the Visionary Planner, in which he teaches people how to build out their own online brands.

The reason he has been so successful, and the reason his students have followed suite in their own success, is because he realized quickly and is up front about these 5 truths that no one else tells you; things that if you don’t acknowledge, accept and put into place, then you can never really build the solid foundation upon which your business will be built.

That foundation is so critical. Building out a successful business or an online brand is not a quick process. It’s a slow grind, and unless you have established that solid foundation - things will quickly crumble at the first sign of hardship.

The actual process, the how-to’s, the nitty gritty details of working and launching an online business? That’s all stuff you can be taught, you can learn and figure it out as you go. But you can’t start building until your foundation is set. And that comes by recognizing these 5 truths.

Truth #1 - You need to be fuelled by an intrinsic motivation.

Everyone loves the idea of building a freedom lifestyle and having something that they control. That’s what drove Vito to leave the corporate world and venture out on his own path; he was tired of all of the external factors influencing his life...factors that he had no control over. He had a vision to start his own entrepreneurial journey so that no one can influence it but himself. Everyone who initially sets out to start an online business or brand has that goal in common.

But here’s the problem; we all have needs and we have wants. But when reality sets in...life situations, emergencies, family issues and so on...people let go of the want because of the need. They go back to the comfortable stuff; the job, the 9 to 5 and the steady paycheck. It keeps getting put off if you don’t have that strong intrinsic motivation. And then the external realities of life set in - you’re getting fired, you can’t work anymore, you’re laid off, there was a natural disaster and you lost everything, etc. Now you’re forced to take action because of external factors.

Find your internal motivation before you let the real world come crashing in. Go with internal urgency instead of waiting for external factors to force your hand; because then you’re building something out of stress, panic, desperation. If you’re feeling stuck here, where you can’t push past the obstacles or the battle between the external and internal factors, start journaling. This is a reflective process; the more understanding you have as to where you are at, the easier it is for you to take action and start making change for yourself.
 

Truth #2 - The Paved Path is the Easier, Faster Path


We can see into the future a little bit by looking at the choices that other people have made and the regrets that they faced. Let’s learn from other people’s choices or mistakes so that we have the power right now to make a choice that’s different. The paved path is the faster, easier path. People have done it before - do what they did. It’s a much easier path than trying to trailblaze by yourself, doing it alone, piecing it together alone. That doesn’t need to exist anymore.

What can we learn from the people who came before? If we look back at the stories of the people who have triumphed and found their way through the difficult times to reach huge success, what we find is that the obstacle was the way. They didn’t hide from it, they didn’t run from it. They embraced it. As Vito would say, “adversity is just a workout for the soul. The obstacle is the way you just need to figure out your way through it.”

It’s cool to learn from your own mistakes, but the path is more pleasurable and more profitable when you learn from others’ mistakes. We’ve lost that desire to get our hands dirty and to toil through and work through the obstacles. Everybody wants the quick fix and the easy way. That’s a bunch of fancy marketing but in truth, it’s not coming that way. And if we look to the people who came before us, they reached their milestones and their success because very simply, they put in the work.

Figure out what your obstacles are and face them head on. Learn what you need to learn, do what you need to do in order to get through them.
 

Truth #3 - You Can’t Blame Time

If you’re using time an excuse, you will forever be stuck exactly where you are. The world’s most successful businessmen and women have the same amount of time as us; they’re making millions because they have learned to master their time, to focus their attention and to eliminate all other distractions. They know what they want to be remembered for, what legacy they want to leave, and nothing else matters.

Yes, they have teams in place now to help them out; but none of them started with a team. They started slowly and figured out as they evolved how to gain more time in their life. They made sacrifices and learned what they needed to learn so that time was no longer the issue. The knowledge is out there in terms of time management, productivity and what systems you can implement in your business and your life to gain more time. You have the ability to figure it out, the ability to make tough choices and some sacrifices.

Truth #4 - You have to dig deep and find your niche to serve.

Before you can do anything, you need to earn your audience; earn an authority and a voice. Create value, create a tribe, be a service that your audience values. You have to earn the right to sell someone something; establish that before you even worry about the products and the sales. Otherwise, you’ll have invested tremendous time, energy and money into something that will just fall flat.

Something to keep in mind here - it’s not meant to be easy. If it were, everybody would be doing it. It’s not easy, but it IS achievable. You aren’t born successful; you have to work at it and learn how to be successful. But it is not outside of your, or anyone’s, capabilities to do so. It just takes time and the right work to get there.

Truth #5 - Be willing to accept short term pain for long term gain.
 

All of the work that I’ve been discussing - it’s not easy. It’s not always fun and it’s certainly not glamorous or exciting. It’s a grind; it’s ugly and unsexy every single day. But you do it because of your vision; because of that strong intrinsic motivation. Without that clarity and focused motivation, you have no anchor to pull you forward. But that doesn’t mean the work is easy; what holds many people back is that they aren’t willing to accept the short term pain for the long term gains. They don’t want to make sacrifices and go through the difficult times; and if you’re not, then you really can’t expect anything to be different in your life.

You can either have yourself stand in your own way of having the life that you want, or you can start to learn how to work with yourself differently so that you can move forward and really create the life you desire with happiness, success and peace. You don’t avoid the hardships, but you learn how to accept them, honour them and move through them

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Here are some final thoughts.

You can take in content, you can accept these 5 truths, you can be shown a process, but if you do nothing with it, you’ll still stay where you’re at - wishing or blaming or looking for other reasons why things aren’t happening. You need to take action.

You also need to establish a solid mindset; even if you have started to implement everything and take action, things like fear of failure, fear of perfection, inability to accept criticism, etc...all of these things come up. If you don’t strengthen your mindset, it doesn’t matter what else you do - these things will hold you back.

One final thing - be willing to receive challenge in your life. Surround yourself with people who can give you tough love and challenge you; let the ego down and be open to seeing outside perspectives. You need people around you to tell you what you don’t see, and you need to be willing to accept that feedback wholeheartedly and then do something with it.

To hear the full interview and all of the details, as well as some tough love and truths from Vito, head over to my podcast → http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast

Go take a listen and then let’s continue the conversation on my Facebook page. Head over and share your takeaways from the video and if you have any follow up questions for myself or Vito, please share!


Also - Vito has offered you guys an incredible free gift. It’s a few training videos where he’ll teach you the 21 blocks to building an online brand, as well as a brand assessment map to gauge where you’re at now and what blocks you might be missing. You can get your free gift here → http://audienceexperience2.thevisionaryplanner.com/?affiliate_token=92bvrugrHZz8Whmp

Sending a giant virtual thank you to Vito again for sharing these truths with us….if you enjoyed the interview and the free gifts, do me a favor and show Vito some love. You can find him on Facebook here → https://www.facebook.com/FitnessProfitSystems/?fref=mentions

Establishing the Success Mindset

I speak with so many people who struggle with reaching their goals…..health goals, relationship goals, financial and career goals.

We’ve all been there.

And it’s so easy to fall into a victim role and start placing blame and excuses as to why we are, most often repeatedly, failing to reach our goals successfully. 

Does it feel good to blame somewhere else?
Of course it does.
Takes the pressure off of us and we feel a little better about ourselves as we have justified in our minds why we aren’t being success.

But that’s the easy way out. And you know I’m not about taking the easy way out. Of anything.
 

Here’s the truth that you may not want to hear - if you are repeatedly struggling or failing to reach your goals - the reason is twofold.

One - you might not be setting good goals. Maybe your goals are way too out of reach, are unrealistic, or aren’t supported by the underlying drive, passion and WHY to push yourself to get there.

Two - your mindset is holding you back.

The world’s top performers - the most successful individuals who consistently meet their goals with tremendous success - they do so because they have established the Success Mindset.

Without it, your mindset - the way you approach every situation and interaction in your life - is holding you back from reaching those goals without you even realizing it.
 

Where is your mindset currently at? Is it holding you back? How can you tell?

I have created a free Mindset Assessment to help you establish that success mindset in your life. You can download it by joining the Free Members Lounge here → https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/store/GCgCFewi

Go to my podcast and listen to the latest episode “Establishing the Success Mindset” at  http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast and I’ll walk you through the download.

The download is in a few different sections.

First, it’s acknowledging what your goals are in order to give yourself some type of direction to move yourself forward in. You don’t have to stick to them, you can change them at any time. These don’t have to be set in stone, but it’s the process of writing down your goals that is important.  Just by thinking about this step and starting to write these things down, you’ve already achieved some clarity there. And that’s a huge step,.

Next is a mindset assessment. It’s all about evaluating where your mindset currently falls into with regard to different scenarios - productivity, how you respond to conflict, your views on success, etc. Allow yourself to be brutally honest, you’re then going to know exactly what you need to do to move forward. The third column of the assessment is to show you the mindset of a High Performer in those different scenarios.

This isn’t intended to make you feel badly. Does my mindset always fall into that High Performer category? Of course not. And yours won’t either. We go through different stages in our life when we are handed different obstacles, and sometimes we are at our best and sometimes we just aren’t. But this will give you a good indication on where you fall into most of the time.

So, once you have completed the mindset assessment….here’s the big question -

What does it all mean?

Analyze the different areas and what has come up for you. You might find that you are already a High Performer in certain areas. Or you might find that there are, in fact, areas where your mindset is really holding you back. Maybe you circled a lot in the middle zone, where you’re just comfortable. Let me tell you something about comfort...being comfortable isn’t always a good thing. Nothing grows when we are just comfortable and complacent. We’ve just gotten used to always doing things a certain way, but that isn’t always pushing us to that next level of success.

Again, this isn’t meant to make you feel badly. It’s meant to give you information and give you clarity so that you can strengthen and build your mindset. Take a moment to acknowledge the areas in which you are already really strong - don’t diminish those for the areas you may need to work on.

The final step is to acknowledge where you are at in different areas of your life and then start to set some actions. Based on the information you’ve just gathered, what are the biggest obstacles that are coming up? The obstacles of your mindset that are holding you back from reaching those goals? And what are some action steps you can start to take to start to develop a stronger mindset with those specific obstacles?

It’s a huge exercise in reflection. You’ll get a lot of information just based on how you look at the questions and how you feel about the questions. Journal as you are doing this process - whatever comes up for you as you go through this, any kind of internal dialogue that comes up for you - write it down.

Because THAT is what is holding you back. And the more clarity and awareness that you have, the easier it is for you to take some action steps and move yourself forward. On the flip side, give yourself gratitude for the areas that you do feel really great about. That’s important too.

It’s all about gaining an awareness and an understanding of where you’re at.
Your mindset is either going to help you reach your goals, or it’s going to hold you back.

That’s what this assessment is helping you with; it’s bridging that gap so that you’re not standing in your own way and you’re able to move yourself forward with the momentum and the tools you need to get there. That’s what the success mindset is all about - whatever that success looks like to you. Whether it’s personal, health, business or financial.

Let’s talk financial success for a minute.

I hope you that you are receiving the level of income that you feel you are worth. If you’re not, this is why this work on mindset is so important. Because those challenges don’t need to be there. There doesn’t need to be a ceiling to your success. Develop a strong “7-figure mindset” for yourself. It’s not just about the money; it’s about how your mindset needs to function so that you could get there and enjoy it.

I hope that this process allows you to start moving forward, while giving yourself grace and being happier in the process; and to gain the skills and the strengths you need to continue to move yourself forward. I’m really excited to be a part of the process with you.
 

What’s next?

My next program, launching soon, is The Clarity Method. It will help establish purpose and mission in your life and to gain even more clarity to help move yourself forward...far beyond what we’ve already touched on here. Stay tuned for the launch. Make sure you have joined the Free Members Lounge for exclusive access when this program launches → https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/store/GCgCFewi

Let’s not waste the days that we have.

In everything we do, we can change by choice. One choice at a time.

What's the Reality Behind YOUR Perfection?

I recently interviewed an incredibly successful woman - Krystal Sutherland. In a few short years, she has launched herself into unbelievable success as a Social Beauty Influencer. Over 1.1 million Facebook followers, over 600,000 Instagram followers and a massive Youtube following.  Her smile is intoxicating and her beauty is flawless.

She must have the perfect life, right?

Nope...she really is just like all of us.

Krystal Sutherland is the founder of Krystal Clear Makeup and is an online Social Media Beauty Influencer. With her incredible online videos and tutorials, her flawless and gorgeous photos and her massive fan following, you might think she has it all together; that the image you see online is a portrayal of her day-to-day life.

In our interview, Krystal shattered that perception and gave us a glimpse into the Reality Behind the Perfection.

How has she managed to build a huge online presence and brand amongst the self-proclaimed “chaos” in her household as a stay at home mom to two boys, maintaining a healthy relationship with her husband, and taking care of the household?

How has she managed to overcome her difficult upbringing and her own demons of negativity, depression and self-doubt in order to push through the obstacles and keep moving forward? And not only move forward, but launch herself into tremendous success?

To listen to this interview, head to http://bit.ly/CHANGEbyCHOICEpodcast.

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Her interview has really got me thinking about success and struggles.

Krystal has built herself a hugely successful business amongst her self-proclaimed “choas” in her household as a stay at home mom to two boys, while maintaining a healthy relationship with her husband and taking care of her household. She has overcome a difficult upbringing and her own demons of negativity, depression and self-doubt. She has overcome those moments of feeling not good enough, like she wanted to quit, or like success just wasn’t going to happen for her.

How do you push past the difficult times?
How do you overcome all of the obstacles that life throws in your path?
How do you keep pushing forward through the times that you feel like quitting?

Because we ALL have those moments. And what separates the most successful individuals is their ability to persevere and keep going.

But how do we do that?

It’s two-fold.

One - Habits & Disciplines

Long-term, sustainable success - in any field - requires the implementation of certain habits and disciplines into your life. These are physical habits, like self-care and taking care of yourself, but also mental habits as well.

Things like:
-Allowing yourself the space and the time to acknowledge and deal with negative emotions instead of ignoring them and pushing them aside.
-Eliminating distractions and remaining focused on your goals
-Setting yourself up for success each and every day - journaling, scheduling, time blocking and prioritizing your to-do list
-Getting enough rest and taking care of yourself - mentally and physically
-Dealing with conflict head on and with confidence instead of being passive or overly aggressive

It’s a process to get there. But over time, as you slowly start to implement these habits and disciplines, you train your mindset to be able to look at situations through a different lens; to allow yourself to work through and acknowledge the difficult times. And that’s what pushes you through when times get tough.

Two - Ditching the Perfection

The idea that everything is going to be perfect, or needs to be perfect, is completely paralyzing when you are building a business. Are you trying to make it look like everything is perfect on the outside, when on the inside you are really struggling?

Acknowledging and being authentic to the fact that things aren’t perfect is freeing. Learn how to ask for help, to ask for what you need and realize that you don’t need to do everything on your own and things don’t always need to look perfect.

When you can let the perfectionism go and let your true, authentic self shine through - in whatever it is you are doing - success is naturally going to follow. Why? Because you’re instantly relatable.

It’s about establishing your Success Mindset - establishing the long-term habits and disciplines that will propel you forward to that next level while giving yourself grace along the way to fail, to be imperfect and to have difficult moments.

Because that’s really what it’s all about - that delicate balance in life between working hard and being successful, while maintaining our relationships, our happiness, our peace and our health.

I have a couple of free downloads that can help you in establishing your Success Mindset that I’d love to share with you.

1. Daily Planner - set yourself up for success each and every day with my daily planner. Prioritizing, setting your goals and getting yourself organized each day is crucial to success.

2. Clarity Journal - I say it all the time, but journaling is SO important in giving you clarity; clarity in terms of what you want, what you don’t want, what’s working, what’s not and what patterns keep coming up in your life. You can’t fix things if you don’t know why they’re broken - gaining clarity is huge here.

You can access BOTH, as well as all of my other free content and downloads, by becoming a member of the FREE Change by Choice Members Lounge. You can join here: https://charlotte-ferreux.mykajabi.com/store/GCgCFewi