Who can relate to this?
You open up Facebook or Instagram and you see a post from a friend. They have a new job, a new outfit, a new partner, new house….or they’re on a fabulous vacation...or they look so in love...or they recently lost weight….or accomplished something they had been working towards.
You like this person and you should be really happy for them. But you just aren’t.
You wish you could feel nothing but joy for that person, but you don’t.
You feel envious….jealous. It triggers you to feel jaded about their situation, to make excuses for their success or otherwise tell yourself lies to make yourself feel better about the jealousy that you’re actually feeling.
We’ve all been there.
I’m going to get really real with you (because that’s just who I am)...
When we feel jealous or bitter or envious, it’s usually because that other person has made a step and done something that you COULD have done if you hadn’t chosen the things you had chosen right now. And when those feelings come up, it’s a strong indication that something isn’t aligned for you within your own life.
So, instead of lingering with jealousy and those toxic emotions, let’s USE them. Let’s identify when they come up, acknowledge why they are creeping in, where the lack of alignment is within your own life and how to use that as motivation for yourself moving forward. In this week’s podcast, we tackle this: jealousy and envy and how you can really use those emotions as fuel and motivation to push your own needle forward in your life. If you’re ready to get real and take a good, hard look at your life, I encourage you to listen to this episode! You can find Episode 47: Embrace Jealousy and Use it as Motivation on Spotify, itunes or Podcast Addict.
So what is really going on when those feelings of jealousy and envy come up for us? When we’re in a space of feeling envious and jealous and we’re not able to show up in a positive way for other people, it means one thing: something for YOU is not aligned. But I want to show you how we can USE and EMBRACE that jealousy and turn it into motivation for our own lives.
1 - Put the ego aside.
Step one isn’t going to be comfortable and it isn’t going to feel good. The first step in this process is to really put your ego aside so you can get totally real with yourself. That’s the only way this process is going to work...if you become brutally honest with yourself. When feelings of jealousy and envy come up for you, use those moments as a time to ask yourself some really tough questions.
*Why am I feeling jealous of this situation?
*Why is this triggering me in this way?
*What do I need to change in my life?
*What would need to change in my life so that I could feel happier for the people around me?
*Am I happy with my life right now?
*Where do I feel stuck?
*Why am I thinking like this right now?
Use this time to acknowledge the feelings and triggers that are coming up for you. Then start to dig in and reflect on those a little deeper.
2 - It’s about what’s inside, not outside.
When we feel jealous and envious of people around us...their experiences, their success, their freedoms...it’s because we wish we also had those things in our lives. But if you’re constantly comparing yourself to what others have, you’re never going to be happy. I can promise you this: happiness isn’t going to magically appear as soon as you get that “thing” that you’re so jealous of others having….their success, their raise, their position. You might be happy in the short term, but then something else will come up.
It comes back to self. What is going to have to shift in your life so that you don’t NEED those external factors to feel good about yourself? So that you don’t need to have what other people have to make you feel a certain way?
Because two people can experience the exact same thing and have two very different perspectives on it. One person can have that experience jade them and they start to look at life in a dark way with more jealousy, more bitterness, less trust and less love. Yet another person can go through the exact same scenario and they end up with more joy, more determination, more fire, more conviction to serve in a greater capacity. What separates the two? It’s their mindset.
Journaling and reflection is how we start to build up that strong mindset. Give yourself space to allow those feelings to come up; avoidance doesn’t get you anywhere. Observe those feelings without harboring any judgement for yourself. And start asking yourself those tough questions. Some of the simplest things we can add to our life will truly unlock the door to you having more freedom in your life...finding that peace and happiness and calmness within your life.
3 - Use it as motivation.
Once you’ve acknowledged and identified what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it, the final step is deciding what shifts and changes you need to make in your life so that you can move through it. It’s about embracing that jealousy and turning it into fuel and motivation to push your own life forward.
As I said above, when we feel jealous or bitter, it’s usually become someone has done something in their lives that you wish you had done; something that you COULD have done had you made different choices. So, instead of wallowing in that feeling - use it. Use it as the kick in the ass you need to start making those steps. We all have the ability to choose how our lives go. You are not stuck in your current situation; there is a way to move towards the life you want and there is support to help you get there. It’s possible for you and you can do it; you don’t need to spend your life envious of those who have and assume it’s out of your realm.
It takes work, but it’s worth it. You are worth it. But you have to decide and feel that for yourself. Only you can make the changes and take the steps.
Please reach out to me; I want to hear about your successes and also your struggles in this area. And for all my free tools and support to help you strengthen that mindset, join my free members lounge at www.charlotteferreux.com.
Take it one step at a time. That’s how we make changes in our lives.