Stop Being Trapped by Bitterness

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I think it’s safe to say that no one wakes up wanting to feel bitter, resentful and angry. We want to feel great, we want to be happy, and positive, and have those great, fulfilling days.

But yet somehow, we continue to get sucked into those negative thoughts. Because those negative thoughts are extremely powerful emotions. Once you start to fall into it, it consumes you.

The power of those emotions really changes how you see things, how you act and what you believe. It’s like a dark hole that you get sucked into. Think of it this way: you wake up in the morning and something happens right away that causes you to feel angry, upset, resentful or bitter. How do you then view the rest of what happens during your day? When you already feel those negative emotions, your brain starts to connect to every other fact, situation or thing that will validate the fact that somehow you got victimized, that something was done against you. Your brain is no longer looking for the good at that point; it’s positioned to look for the negative because that’s what it’s being trained to do.

And the worst part is that once you’re in it, it’s really hard to get yourself out. It almost takes on a life of it’s own; we start operating from a place that is beyond ourselves and it really takes over if we allow it. Head over to the Change by Choice Show to listen to Episode 42 where I dive into this topic. 

So - how do we get out of this bitterness and anger trap? And how can we strengthen our mindset to prevent us from falling into it time and time again?

First, let’s focus in on this: at the end of the day, if you’re the one feeling those feelings, you need to acknowledge the power of choice and the power of responsibility. We don’t always choose the situations that happen to us, but we choose how we react and we choose what we do next.


Here’s a couple ways to get yourself out that bitterness trap and how to avoid falling back there.  


  1. Slow the process down. Our first instinct when we start to feel those negative emotions is to act on them. Slow it down and just listen to what is coming up for you. Pause and reflect; why is this emotion coming up for me right now? Why am I thinking like this? Why am I behaving in this way? Find the root of it and allow yourself to sit with it before you make any decision.

  2. Once you've had some time to think, ask yourself: Am I willing to accept the situation and allow myself to move forward? Or is there a solution that has to be made? Regardless the answer to that question...for you to just stay in that zone of anger is choosing to be caged up in a prison. And you’re the only one who’s affected by that; it’s not torturing the other person involved. You’re the one who’s living in misery and darkness by refusing to let go of those emotions. On the same token, you’re the one who has to make the change. No one is going to make it for you and no one is going to fix things for you. Think hard about how long you are willing to stay in situations and hold on to those negative emotions; because the longer you linger there, the more it layers on top of itself. Before you know it, what you started off with, which was probably small, is now this huge weight of emotion that starts to really chip away at the person you used to be.

  3. Find gratitude, space and a positive mindset. Life is messy and shit happens. You may not like all the situations that are thrown at you, but that’s how life is. It’s how you choose to move through it that makes the difference. Strengthen your mindset to be more positive. Be mindful and grateful for the great things that have happened. Remind yourself on a daily basis that you are in control; you get to choose how long you linger in those emotions and how you choose to deal with the situations that are handed to you. It starts by being super logical with yourself. In those negative situations, ask yourself what you need to do here to solve the problem and move forward. Maybe it’s having a clear conversation with someone, maybe it’s putting yourself out there with vulnerability, or maybe it’s making a tough decision. Or maybe it’s as simple as finding gratitude for all the good in your life and choosing to simply go of the negative. At the end of the day you’re the one stuck with those feelings, so something needs to happen. But this takes practice; our brain doesn’t just automatically operate this way. We need to strengthen it and position it and tell it to do that.



The worst thing you can do is avoid. The more you avoid, the more you tell your body and your mind that you don’t want to take care of them. I get it; sometimes we do want to avoid those feelings of anger, bitterness, resentment, guilt, shame, extreme sadness. You don’t want to deal with them, so you avoid them. But the problem is that your body carries that weight and that stress with you. Maybe you keep yourself so busy that you’re distracted all day, but those feelings always creep back in moments of quiet or lying in bed at night. Because they’re still there; avoidance doesn’t solve anything. It might feel good, short term, but in the long term it’s damaging you. Are you willing to keep gambling on your health, body, mind and spirit because you don’t want to deal with it?



Think about what you’re working towards in your life: financial freedom, happiness, peace, calmness, fulfillment? Whatever you’re working towards, every single decision you make needs to line up with that result in mind. Otherwise, you’re going to miss the mark every single time, and you’ll wonder why you still live in chaos, never achieving your goals. And you’ll wonder why these negative situations and interactions keep happening to you. You’ll wonder why other people seem so happy all the time, and “damn they must be really lucky and have a great life.”

Not even close.

It’s you. You are the common thread. It’s not the situations, it’s you.


I don’t say that to make you feel bad; but for you to realize that you can and should be accountable for the words that you say and the thoughts that you have. You are in control.

You are accountable for what is going on in your life. There’s so much power there. You are in control over your choices all the time.

At what point do you realize that you're worth more than living caged by bitterness, anger and resentment? You have to believe that. Because what you allow is what will continue, and what you resist is what will persist.


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5 Truths About Building an Online Business...that No One Tells You - My Interview with Vito La Fata

I recently had a chance to sit down live and interview one of my mentors, Vito La Fata.
I was so honoured to interview Vito; he’s one of my mentors and was really the first coach I ever had. If it wasn’t for my connection and coaching from Vito, my journey would not have lead me to where I am now.


If you missed my LIVE interview with Vito La Fata the other night - you can download the audio now on my Podcast, Change by Choice.


Vito is the creator of Fitnesspreneur’s Life and co-creator of The Visionary Planner. He has found tremendous success in not only launching but building out his own online businesses.

But success didn’t just fall into his lap. He hustled and grinded for 7 years to get to the place he’s in today. Time after time, he realized that he didn’t fit into the traditional mold that society places us into; from Wall Street to fashion to the fitness industry, he kept hitting the same realization that there were always external factors that he didn’t love and which were beyond his control. He was $105,000 in debt from buying out his partner, had lost his house and was getting completely burnt out from trying to figure out this freedom lifestyle.  He got sick of trading dollars for hours and refused to allow so many external factors to continue to control his life.

He set out with his own vision and his own path; a path in which he was in total control. And from that vision, he created the Fitnesspreneur’s Life in which he teaches people in the fitness industry how to generate business and financial success. He also co-created the Visionary Planner, in which he teaches people how to build out their own online brands.


The reason he has been so successful, and the reason his students have followed suite in their own success, is because he realized quickly and is up front about these 5 truths that no one else tells you; things that if you don’t acknowledge, accept and put into place, then you can never really build the solid foundation upon which your business will be built.

That foundation is so critical. Building out a successful business or an online brand is not a quick process. It’s a slow grind, and unless you have established that solid foundation - things will quickly crumble at the first sign of hardship.


The actual process, the how-to’s, the nitty gritty details of working and launching an online business? That’s all stuff you can be taught, you can learn and figure it out as you go. But you can’t start building until your foundation is set. And that comes by recognizing these 5 truths.

Truth #1 - You need to be fuelled by an intrinsic motivation.

Everyone loves the idea of building a freedom lifestyle and having something that they control. That’s what drove Vito to leave the corporate world and venture out on his own path; he was tired of all of the external factors influencing his life...factors that he had no control over. He had a vision to start his own entrepreneurial journey so that no one can influence it but himself. Everyone who initially sets out to start an online business or brand has that goal in common.


But here’s the problem; we all have needs and we have wants. But when reality sets situations, emergencies, family issues and so on...people let go of the want because of the need. They go back to the comfortable stuff; the job, the 9 to 5 and the steady paycheck. It keeps getting put off if you don’t have that strong intrinsic motivation. And then the external realities of life set in - you’re getting fired, you can’t work anymore, you’re laid off, there was a natural disaster and you lost everything, etc. Now you’re forced to take action because of external factors.

Find your internal motivation before you let the real world come crashing in. Go with internal urgency instead of waiting for external factors to force your hand; because then you’re building something out of stress, panic, desperation. If you’re feeling stuck here, where you can’t push past the obstacles or the battle between the external and internal factors, start journaling. This is a reflective process; the more understanding you have as to where you are at, the easier it is for you to take action and start making change for yourself.

Truth #2 - The Paved Path is the Easier, Faster Path

We can see into the future a little bit by looking at the choices that other people have made and the regrets that they faced. Let’s learn from other people’s choices or mistakes so that we have the power right now to make a choice that’s different. The paved path is the faster, easier path. People have done it before - do what they did. It’s a much easier path than trying to trailblaze by yourself, doing it alone, piecing it together alone. That doesn’t need to exist anymore.


What can we learn from the people who came before? If we look back at the stories of the people who have triumphed and found their way through the difficult times to reach huge success, what we find is that the obstacle was the way. They didn’t hide from it, they didn’t run from it. They embraced it. As Vito would say, “adversity is just a workout for the soul. The obstacle is the way you just need to figure out your way through it.”


It’s cool to learn from your own mistakes, but the path is more pleasurable and more profitable when you learn from others’ mistakes. We’ve lost that desire to get our hands dirty and to toil through and work through the obstacles. Everybody wants the quick fix and the easy way. That’s a bunch of fancy marketing but in truth, it’s not coming that way. And if we look to the people who came before us, they reached their milestones and their success because very simply, they put in the work.

Figure out what your obstacles are and face them head on. Learn what you need to learn, do what you need to do in order to get through them.

Truth #3 - You Can’t Blame Time


If you’re using time an excuse, you will forever be stuck exactly where you are. The world’s most successful businessmen and women have the same amount of time as us; they’re making millions because they have learned to master their time, to focus their attention and to eliminate all other distractions. They know what they want to be remembered for, what legacy they want to leave, and nothing else matters.

Yes, they have teams in place now to help them out; but none of them started with a team. They started slowly and figured out as they evolved how to gain more time in their life. They made sacrifices and learned what they needed to learn so that time was no longer the issue. The knowledge is out there in terms of time management, productivity and what systems you can implement in your business and your life to gain more time. You have the ability to figure it out, the ability to make tough choices and some sacrifices.

Truth #4 - You have to dig deep and find your niche to serve.


Before you can do anything, you need to earn your audience; earn an authority and a voice. Create value, create a tribe, be a service that your audience values. You have to earn the right to sell someone something; establish that before you even worry about the products and the sales. Otherwise, you’ll have invested tremendous time, energy and money into something that will just fall flat.

Something to keep in mind here - it’s not meant to be easy. If it were, everybody would be doing it. It’s not easy, but it IS achievable. You aren’t born successful; you have to work at it and learn how to be successful. But it is not outside of your, or anyone’s, capabilities to do so. It just takes time and the right work to get there.

Truth #5 - Be willing to accept short term pain for long term gain.

All of the work that I’ve been discussing - it’s not easy. It’s not always fun and it’s certainly not glamorous or exciting. It’s a grind; it’s ugly and unsexy every single day. But you do it because of your vision; because of that strong intrinsic motivation. Without that clarity and focused motivation, you have no anchor to pull you forward. But that doesn’t mean the work is easy; what holds many people back is that they aren’t willing to accept the short term pain for the long term gains. They don’t want to make sacrifices and go through the difficult times; and if you’re not, then you really can’t expect anything to be different in your life.

You can either have yourself stand in your own way of having the life that you want, or you can start to learn how to work with yourself differently so that you can move forward and really create the life you desire with happiness, success and peace. You don’t avoid the hardships, but you learn how to accept them, honour them and move through them


Here are some final thoughts.

You can take in content, you can accept these 5 truths, you can be shown a process, but if you do nothing with it, you’ll still stay where you’re at - wishing or blaming or looking for other reasons why things aren’t happening. You need to take action.

You also need to establish a solid mindset; even if you have started to implement everything and take action, things like fear of failure, fear of perfection, inability to accept criticism, etc...all of these things come up. If you don’t strengthen your mindset, it doesn’t matter what else you do - these things will hold you back.

One final thing - be willing to receive challenge in your life. Surround yourself with people who can give you tough love and challenge you; let the ego down and be open to seeing outside perspectives. You need people around you to tell you what you don’t see, and you need to be willing to accept that feedback wholeheartedly and then do something with it.

To hear the full interview and all of the details, as well as some tough love and truths from Vito, head over to my podcast →

Go take a listen and then let’s continue the conversation on my Facebook page. Head over and share your takeaways from the video and if you have any follow up questions for myself or Vito, please share!

Also - Vito has offered you guys an incredible free gift. It’s a few training videos where he’ll teach you the 21 blocks to building an online brand, as well as a brand assessment map to gauge where you’re at now and what blocks you might be missing. You can get your free gift here →

Sending a giant virtual thank you to Vito again for sharing these truths with us….if you enjoyed the interview and the free gifts, do me a favor and show Vito some love. You can find him on Facebook here →